Author Topic: Silly Jokes (Read 556451 times)

46&2 · « **Reply #2550 on:** Mar 20, 2011, 12:51:00 PM »

So lately my wife has been working a lot of evening shifts, and for the past couple months she has been carpooling with a male co-worker. At first I didn't mind, I would rather have someone with her in case she has car trouble or something like that, but it seems that they have become a little bit more than friends. You know the scenario, the phone calls that hangup, she starts wearing nice clothes to work, talking about him all the time, etc. I don't know what to think. If I'm out in the garage when she gets home (usually after midnight) he just drops her off and leaves, but if the lights are off in the garage and I'm in the house (they think I'm sleeping) they sit out in the car for like twenty minutes. I asked her once what they were doing, she said "just talking"....whatever. So last night I decide that I'm going to see what really goes on out there. I leave the garage door open, but turn out all the lights. About the time she usually gets home, I go out and hide in the garage and wait. In a few minutes, his car pulls into my driveway, and I'm hiding behind my truck. When his headlights shine through the garage and under my truck, I see something that I just can't believe. The right front axle seal is leaking . Do you think I should change just the right side or do all the seals while I'm in there?

HULK · « **Reply #2551 on:** Mar 20, 2011, 02:25:37 PM »

That was awesome 46&2. That was way better than my joke.

91 ex-cab · « **Reply #2552 on:** Mar 20, 2011, 08:48:10 PM »

Looks like someone took your joke over to the pbb

http://pirate4x4.com/forum/showthread.php?t=965940

46&2 · « **Reply #2553 on:** Mar 20, 2011, 09:26:24 PM »

Quote from: 91 ex-cab on Mar 20, 2011, 08:48:10 PM

Looks like someone took your joke over to the pbb
http://pirate4x4.com/forum/showthread.php?t=965940

Its not my joke I got it from pirate.

abnormaltoy · « **Reply #2554 on:** Mar 20, 2011, 09:47:34 PM »

Ahh, the circle of life!

91 ex-cab · « **Reply #2555 on:** Mar 20, 2011, 10:57:43 PM »

Quote from: 46&2 on Mar 20, 2011, 09:26:24 PM

Its not my joke I got it from pirate.

Either way it was just as funny the second time I read it.

HULK · « **Reply #2556 on:** Mar 21, 2011, 07:23:06 AM »

Someone had to come up with it or find it, either way it was really funny. Still is.

79yota4x · « **Reply #2557 on:** Mar 21, 2011, 08:39:07 AM »

HULK · « **Reply #2558 on:** Mar 21, 2011, 07:46:04 PM »

I used to date a midget. I was nuts over her.

HULK · « **Reply #2559 on:** Mar 21, 2011, 07:47:32 PM »

You know what would be sick? If you sat on Santa's lap and he got a hard on. What's worse than that? If he stood up, and you were still sitting on his lap.

minicrawlin · « **Reply #2560 on:** Mar 21, 2011, 09:14:27 PM »

there was a beech tree and a birch tree that grew up right next to each other. side by side they grew over years and years, becoming best of friends these birch and beech trees. one day, as the beech and birch tree stood over 70 feet tall next to each other, they spoted a tiny seedling growing right in the middle of the two. the beech tree looked at the birch tree and asked "do you think it's a birch tree or a beech tree?!" The beech tree just shook his head and shrugged his branches. Day after day the beech tree and the birch tree looked at the tree growing in between them, wonderin to themselves if it was a beech tree or a birch tree. one day the birch tree looked at the beech tree and said, "i know what we'll do!! we'll ask the woodpecker to go down and check!" they asked and he said he would. after ten to twenty minutes of the woodpecker pecking at the tree growing in between the beech and birch tree. "peck peck peck, peckpeckpeckpeck, peck peck peck peck, peck peck, peck peck peck." finally the woodpecker came back up from the tree growing in between the beech and birch tree. he landed on the birch tree and the beech tree yelled out "WELL??! what is it, a beech or a birch tree!!??" . . . the woodpecker looks up and says, "i dunno guys, but thats the best piece of "Ash" i've ever had!!"

minicrawlin · « **Reply #2561 on:** Mar 21, 2011, 09:14:47 PM »

ha ha ha that jokes worthless! lol

emsvitil · « **Reply #2562 on:** Mar 22, 2011, 04:42:20 PM »

The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle...

The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'

The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular 'Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.'

The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. 'Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired.

She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!'

This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, threw it out of the train window, and sat down.

The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place!'

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong pregnant dog out of the window.
__________________

Toymin8r · « **Reply #2563 on:** Mar 25, 2011, 04:00:10 PM »

minicrawlin · « **Reply #2564 on:** Mar 25, 2011, 06:00:32 PM »

thats funny because it's TRUE! ha ha

mitchell · « **Reply #2565 on:** Mar 28, 2011, 07:33:42 AM »

Have you ever tried duck sausage ?

Well duck down and get you some.

Rocksurfer · « **Reply #2566 on:** Mar 31, 2011, 05:51:06 AM »

A Cowboy from Billings, Montana walked into a bank in New York City
and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was
going to Paris for an international rodeo for two weeks and needed to
borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of
security for the loan, so the Cowboy handed over the keys to a new
2011 Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank.
The Cowboy produced the clear title and everything checked out. The loan
officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and
apologized for having to charge 12% interest. Later, the bank's
president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Cowboy from
Montana for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private
underground garage and parked it.

Two weeks later, the Cowboy returned, repaid the $5,000 and the
interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to
have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very
nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked
you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found that you are a highly
sophisticated investor and multimillionaire with real estate and
financial interests in Montana and all over the world. Your investments include a
large number of wind turbines around Judith Gap, Montana . What puzzles
us is - why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The good ol' Montana boy replied, "Where else in New York City can I
park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there
when I return?"

minicrawlin · « **Reply #2567 on:** Mar 31, 2011, 06:47:20 PM »

NICE!! ha ha NYC people are dumb! lol

jk NYC people hope i didn't offend! . . . . oh wait, theres no one from NYC on this forum! lol

Toymin8r · « **Reply #2568 on:** Mar 31, 2011, 07:29:30 PM »

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie.
So he decides to try it out at dinner.
Dad asks his son, "Where were you during school today?"
The son says, "At school" (Robot slaps son) "Ok, I went to the movies"
Dad says. "which one?"
The son says, "Toy Story." (Robot slaps son again) "Ok, it was A Day With a Porn Star."
Dad says, "WHAT?!! when I was your age, I didn't even know what porn was." (Robot slaps dad)
Mom says, "HAHA!!! After all, he's your son." (Robot slaps mom)

abnormaltoy · « **Reply #2569 on:** Mar 31, 2011, 08:53:39 PM »

Quote from: minicrawlin on Mar 31, 2011, 06:47:20 PM

NICE!! ha ha NYC people are dumb! lol

jk NYC people hope i didn't offend! . . . . oh wait, theres no one from NYC on this forum! lol

The only way you could offend a New Yorker is to say Chicago pizza is better!

Toymin8r · « **Reply #2570 on:** Apr 01, 2011, 12:36:20 AM »

Quote from: abnormaltoy on Mar 31, 2011, 08:53:39 PM

The only way you could offend a New Yorker is to say Chicago pizza is better!

It is better.

abnormaltoy · « **Reply #2571 on:** Apr 01, 2011, 07:17:21 AM »

Quote from: Toymin8r on Apr 01, 2011, 12:36:20 AM

It is better.

Oh, thee blasphemer!

I will stand with my New York brethren on this one!

emsvitil · « **Reply #2572 on:** Apr 01, 2011, 01:22:09 PM »

Quote from: abnormaltoy on Apr 01, 2011, 07:17:21 AM

Oh, thee blasphemer!

I will stand with my New York brethren on this one!

You'll be standing all alone...........

Rocksurfer · « **Reply #2573 on:** Apr 01, 2011, 06:07:31 PM »

Chicago pizza is better, you never know who's finger is ground in NY pizza.

abnormaltoy · « **Reply #2574 on:** Apr 01, 2011, 06:41:50 PM »

Quote from: Rocksurfer on Apr 01, 2011, 06:07:31 PM

Chicago pizza is better, you never know who's finger is ground in NY pizza.

I've had Chicago pizza at Uno's...it's not bad. But, it ain't aymore a pizza than that BBQ Chicken crap out of Cali is.

Rocksurfer · « **Reply #2575 on:** Apr 01, 2011, 07:00:33 PM »

I'm talkin' real Chicago pizza in Chicago, used to live in Milwaukee and went there many times as a driver.

abnormaltoy · « **Reply #2576 on:** Apr 01, 2011, 08:58:04 PM »

Quote from: Rocksurfer on Apr 01, 2011, 07:00:33 PM

I'm talkin' real Chicago pizza in Chicago,

What do you think Uno's is?

HULK · « **Reply #2577 on:** Apr 01, 2011, 10:31:05 PM »

What do you call a masturbating cow?

Beef Strokenoff.

minicrawlin · « **Reply #2578 on:** Apr 01, 2011, 10:51:37 PM »

a man goes into a brothel and asks for the biggest darkest skinned girl they have. "that'll be betsy, 3rd floor 2nd door in" alright says the man and starts his journey up to the room. once inside he asks her to take her clothes off. "anything for you big boy!" says betsy "now what?" she says. "turn around, lean over and grab your ankles for me" says the man. "of course" she says. the man gets on one knee, leans in and stares very hard for a minute or two, then gets back up. "ok that'll do, how much?" he says "you dont want to have sex with me?!" she asks. . . . "nope" says the man, "i'm thinking of painting my house a dark brown and wanted to see what it would look like with pink shutters on the windows!" ha ha

emsvitil · « **Reply #2579 on:** Apr 01, 2011, 11:07:49 PM »

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............

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