Author Topic: Silly Jokes (Read 547435 times)

cruzila · « **on:** Feb 27, 2003, 07:38:57 AM »

3 Vampires walk into a bar.

The first one says "I'll have a glass of blood type A"
The second one says "I'll have one too"
The third asks for just plasma.
Bartender says "OK that's 2 bloods and a blood lite"

mr4x42u · « **Reply #1 on:** Feb 27, 2003, 09:16:04 PM »

:thumb:

rEdnECkwHeE1eR · « **Reply #2 on:** Mar 01, 2003, 07:07:16 AM »

hahaha!
Hey cheak it out new smilies :thumb:

:heyhey:

:chug: :ladysman:

BigMike · « **Reply #3 on:** Mar 03, 2003, 04:09:43 AM »

You forgot about this one: :hmm:

Remotruker · « **Reply #4 on:** Mar 06, 2003, 01:22:42 PM »

A rich lady from California, who was a tree hugger and a vociferous
anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timber land in Oergon.

There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted
to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree.

As she neared the top, she encountered a Spotted Owl that attacked her. In
her haste to escape the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many
splinters in her private parts.

In considerable pain, she hurried to he nearest country doctor. Being a
hunter himself, the doctor listened to her story with great patience and
then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could get
her some help.

She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry
lady demanded "What took you so long?"

He smiled and told her, "Well I had to get permits from the Environmental
Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management
before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area, and I am
sorry, they all turned me down.

brainlessfool · « **Reply #5 on:** Mar 06, 2003, 01:29:18 PM »

BigMike · « **Reply #6 on:** Mar 08, 2003, 02:36:19 AM »

hahahahahah :thumb: :thumb:

brainlessfool · « **Reply #7 on:** Mar 11, 2003, 01:48:10 PM »

what kind of bees give milk:dunno: ....boo bees

mr4x42u · « **Reply #8 on:** Mar 12, 2003, 12:19:46 AM »

What has 10 wheels and flies?

A garbage truck

79coyotefrg · « **Reply #9 on:** Mar 19, 2003, 09:42:10 AM »

SHORTEST JOKE OF 2003

When does a boy become a man in Iraq?

When his diaper moves from his ass to his head.

79coyotefrg · « **Reply #10 on:** Mar 19, 2003, 09:51:40 AM »

A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. :oHe picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. :thumb:The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion surrounded by 50 beautiful women. :love:He makes love to all of them

:help:and begins to explore the house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $100 bills.

Then, there is a knock at the door. He answers the door and standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits.

They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over alimb and hang him by the neck until he is dead. :sealed:

The Klansmen walk off. As they are walking away, they remove their hoods; it's the two blonde genies.
One blonde genie says to the other one, "Hey, I can understand the first
wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire. But to be hung like a black man is beyond me".

WHITE_TRASH · « **Reply #11 on:** Mar 19, 2003, 06:39:45 PM »

:up: :up: :up: :up: :up:
glen i think you just topped the bin laden game!!!!!

mr4x42u · « **Reply #12 on:** Mar 19, 2003, 08:57:32 PM »

very nice glen....

Rock_Starr · « **Reply #13 on:** Mar 23, 2003, 02:38:33 PM »

hahaha keep em coming :up:

79coyotefrg · « **Reply #14 on:** Mar 26, 2003, 11:58:57 AM »

check it dude

http://www.madblast.com/funflash/swf/splishsplashbaby.swf

79coyotefrg · « **Reply #15 on:** Mar 26, 2003, 12:03:59 PM »

:hatgrin:

A big shot business man had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees.

None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."

After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.

"No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I cannot use an oral thermometer."

This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his rear end.

After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"

She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. :oHe curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor comes into the room.

"What's going on here?" asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"

After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Well, no. :headshake:I guess I haven't. Not with a carnation anyway."

79coyotefrg · « **Reply #16 on:** Mar 26, 2003, 12:12:12 PM »

:oops:

mr4x42u · « **Reply #17 on:** Mar 27, 2003, 12:50:38 AM »

Here is another good one..

http://www.madblast.com/flash_shows/new/fartball.swf

mr4x42u · « **Reply #18 on:** Mar 27, 2003, 01:52:08 AM »

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks
in thesweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you
keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his
knees,so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute
widdle bwown wabby over there?"
She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts
her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a
quiet
voice,
"I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit."

:hmm: :talking: :heyhey:

79coyotefrg · « **Reply #19 on:** Mar 27, 2003, 01:58:25 AM »

:opoor little bunny wabbit :sob:

snorklehead · « **Reply #20 on:** Mar 27, 2003, 02:46:24 PM »

Three of the top beer manufacturer CEO's walk into a bar. The first CEO is from budweiser and sits down to naturally say, "I'll have the king of beers!" The second CEO is from Coors and states, "I'll have the beer brewed clean and crisp from the rockies!" The third CEO is from Guiness and says, "I'll take a coke." The other CEOs look at him and ask, "why didnt you order a guiness?" He says, "If your not going to drink a beer then neither am I."

:chug:

brainlessfool · « **Reply #21 on:** Mar 27, 2003, 03:06:57 PM »

good one! :thumb:

BigMike · « **Reply #22 on:** Mar 28, 2003, 03:54:37 AM »

:talking:

79coyotefrg · « **Reply #23 on:** Mar 28, 2003, 10:17:16 AM »

Embarrassing First Date

This just tells you how hard it is to be single nowadays...
This was on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno.
Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had.

The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

Marilyn said it was midwinter...snowing and quite cold ...and the guy had taken her skiing to Lake Arrowhead. It was a day trip (no overnight). The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.

They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, :help:which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car. :moon:They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started.

Unfortunately, in the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt :moon:rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman :angel:and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. :laugh:As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal.

It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor she answered her date's concerns about "what was taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and needed some assistance"!

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater

and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing.

:hahaha:She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.

Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free so, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

As for the Tonight Show...she took the prize hands down...or perhaps that should be "pants down." And you thought your first date was embarrassing...A whole new definition of being "pissed off."

WHITE_TRASH · « **Reply #24 on:** Mar 28, 2003, 11:08:13 AM »

ive always preffered to be pissed off rather than pissed on but i guess theres a time and place for everything!!!

cruzila · « **Reply #25 on:** Mar 28, 2003, 02:16:44 PM »

Quote

Embarrassing First Date

...A whole new definition of being "pissed off."

ROFLMAO holdeing stomach cuz it hurts

:cry: :cry: :cry:

79coyotefrg · « **Reply #26 on:** Mar 30, 2003, 02:48:30 AM »

yea :nerv:i've had some strange dates :smack:but i aint never had to pee on anybody

79coyotefrg · « **Reply #27 on:** Apr 02, 2003, 08:47:35 AM »

A Fire Fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl is wearing a Fire Fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and a cat. The Fire Fighter walks over to take a closer look.

"That sure is a nice Fire Truck," the Fire Fighter says with admiration. :up:
"Thanks," the girl says. The Fire Fighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

"Little partner," the Fire Fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck,

but if you were to tie that rope only around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster." The little girl says, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

WHITE_TRASH · « **Reply #28 on:** Apr 02, 2003, 09:58:48 AM »

gotta love this!! reminds me of my home town!

79coyotefrg · « **Reply #29 on:** Apr 03, 2003, 12:27:35 PM »

THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when this attractive blonde

female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house again went to the mailbox and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily,

back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she comes out again. Marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzle by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL"

cruzila [OP]

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