Silly Jokes

[BigMike]

That Heywood Jablomy is a good one

[84runner]

I thought so 

[84runner]

 

[84runner]

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5 year old son
playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the
train  stop and her son saying, "All of you sons of bitches who want
off, get the hell off now ... cause this is the last stop! And all of
you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train
cause we're going down the tracks."
The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind
of language in this house. Now, I want you to go to your room and you
are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with
your train...but I want you to use nice language."


Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing
with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son
say... "All passengers, please remember to take all of your belongings
with you. We thank you and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope
you will ride  with us again soon."


She heard her little darling continue... "For those of you just
boarding, remember, there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will
have a  pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother
began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off
about the TWO HOUR  delay, please see the pregnant dog in the kitchen."

[WHITE_TRASH]

Thats damned funny!

[KYOTA]

One of the best ones lately 

[mudguts]

Hey 84, I got plenty more.

[yotaboy79]

thats great

[mudguts]

Ever been this drunk?


Man down!

[yotaboy79]

that remindes me of what i remember of new  years did that make any sense??

[mudguts]

 

[84runner]

Keep them coming mudguts 

[84runner]

A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota.The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn - the wife likes to read.
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book.
Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am", and he left.

[yotaboy79]

that sob got just what he deserved i hope he died

[mudguts]

What is life all about? Regaurdless of what you've been told, Life is all about a$$.
Your either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it or trying to get a piece of it.

[yotaboy79]

usualy trying to get a piece of it lol

[SWAMPER]

I got one I got one....
Q: How do you drown  a blonde in an inch of water?



A: Put a Scratch&Sniff stiker at the bottom!!! 

[yotaboy79]

herd it before but its still a good one

[yotaboy79]

oh yeah did you hear about the accedint in the army??
a jeep ran over a bag of popcorn and killed two curnels

[84runner]

I don't know if that one is Stupid or funny, I guess it's so stupid that it makes it funny 

[yotaboy79]

yup thats how i describe it 

[mudguts]

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me.
I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it
started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The
blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."  Her
boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and
shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then
turns to her and says,"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going
to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."He
takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice
cup of tea, and then....." he sighed, "let's put all these  Frosted Flakes
back in the box."

[yotaboy79]

thats soo great

[KYOTA]

First off the names have been changed to protect the guilty.

Ryan worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for several years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his thingy in the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Ryan indicated that he'd be too emarassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Ryan came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once something was wrong. "Whats wrong Ryan?" she asked.

"Do you remember that I told you how I wanted to put my thingy in the pickle slicer? "
"Oh Ryan, you didnt"
"Yes I did"
"My god Ryan, what happened?"
"I got fired"
"No Ryan, I mean what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, she got fired too!!"

[WHITE_TRASH]

That one made me nervous for a second, names changed to protect the innocent my arse!  But in the end they lived happily ever after.

[KYOTA]

To protect the GUILTY! I dont know anyone named Ryan Paybacks MOFO!

[WHITE_TRASH]

yeh yeh but hey at least the pickle slicer got nailed!

[KYOTA]

Check your PMs

[yotaboy79]

thats a good one

[84runner]

The Pilot and The Navigator
============================

A pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver.

He placed it on top of the panel, and then asked the navigator, "Do you
know what I use this for?"

The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?"

The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"

The navigator then proceeded to pull out a .45 automatic and place it on
his chart table.

The pilot asked, "What's that for?"

The the navigator replied,

"I'll know we're lost before you will."


Moral: Be careful who you threaten. ;-)