Author Topic: Silly Jokes  (Read 396281 times)

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84runner

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Re:Silly Jokes
« Reply #120 on: Jan 08, 2004, 11:47:46 PM »
Why don't they have Volks Wagons in Africa?











Becaus elephants will F@!ck anything with a trunk in front of it ::)
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BigMike

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Re:Silly Jokes
« Reply #121 on: Jan 19, 2004, 11:09:41 AM »
Do you have a 710 on your car?


A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A
blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?" She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one.." She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there. The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked "is there a 710 on this car?" She pointed and said, "Of course, its right there."


If your not sure what a 710 is, click here.

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brainlessfool

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Re:Silly Jokes
« Reply #122 on: Jan 19, 2004, 11:25:56 AM »
good thing the smite buttons gone mike!!
A good day working, that's just sick :reg:

BigMike

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Re:Silly Jokes
« Reply #123 on: Jan 19, 2004, 11:44:00 AM »
:yupyup:
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WHITE_TRASH

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Re:Silly Jokes
« Reply #124 on: Jan 19, 2004, 01:41:24 PM »
cute very cute
Full hydro, 186:1 with an auto and 44's what could go wrong??

4.3 headache

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Re:Silly Jokes
« Reply #125 on: Jan 19, 2004, 02:41:01 PM »
   What do Honda Civic's and tampons have in common??








      Every pusssee has one!  :hahaha: :hahaha:
« Last Edit: Jan 19, 2004, 02:42:03 PM by 4.3 headache »
all i want is a little more than i'll ever get!!

crawling82

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Re:Silly Jokes
« Reply #126 on: Jan 28, 2004, 11:23:31 PM »
Dad and his little girl go to the barber shop
Dad's getting his hair cut
His little girl is sitting next to him eating a twinky
The barber tells the little girl be carful you might get hair on your twinky
So, the little girl reply's to the barber yep and big tits to...

84runner

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Re:Silly Jokes
« Reply #127 on: Jan 28, 2004, 11:50:09 PM »
 :headshake:
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brainlessfool

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Re:Silly Jokes
« Reply #128 on: Jan 29, 2004, 08:44:20 PM »
just something wrong with that one:headshake:
A good day working, that's just sick :reg:

84runner

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Re:Silly Jokes
« Reply #129 on: Feb 01, 2004, 10:35:18 PM »
 :biggthumpup: :laugh:
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84runner

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Re:Silly Jokes
« Reply #130 on: Feb 21, 2004, 12:22:44 PM »
A COWBOY WALKS IN TO A BAR IN TEXAS, ORDERS THREE MUGS OF BUD AND SITS
IN
THE BACK ROOM, DRINKING A SIP OUT OF EACH  ONE IN TURN.  WHEN HE
FINNISHES
THEM HE RETURNS TO THE BAR  AND ORDERS THREE MORE. AS THE BARTENDER
FILLS
THEM HE SAYS " YOU KNOW A MUG GOES FLAT AS SOON AS YOU DRAW IT OUT OF
THE
KEG, IT WOULD TASTE BETTER IF YOU JUST GOT ONE AT A TIME."


THE COWBOY REPLIES, "WELL YOU SEE I HAVE 2 BROTHERS, ONE IS IN AUSTRALIA
AND THE OTHER IN DUBLIN, AND I'M IN TEXAS. WHEN WE ALL LEFT HOME, WE
PROMISED THAT WE'D DRINK THIS WAY TO REMEMBER THE DAYS WE DRANK
TOGETHER.
SO I DRINK ONE FOR EACH OF MY BROTHERS AND ONE FOR MYSELF."   THE
BARTENDER
ADMITS THAT THIS IS A NICE CUSTOM,  AND LEAVES IT THERE.

THE COWBOY BECOMES A REGULAR IN THE BAR,  AND ALWAYS DRINKS THE SAME
WAY.
HE ORDERS THREE MUGS AND DRINKS THEM IN TURN.      ONE DAY, HE COMES IN
AND
ORDERS ONLY TWO MUGS.   ALL THE REGULARS TAKE NOTICE AND FALL SILENT.
WHEN HE COMES BACK TO THE BAR FOR THE SECOND ROUND,  THE BARTENDER SAYS,
"I DON'T WANT TO INTRUDE ON YOUR GRIEF,  BUT I WANTED TO OFFER MY
CONDOLENCES ON YOUR LOSS."

THE COWBOY LOOKS QUITE PUZZLED FOR A MOMENT,  THEN A LIGHT DAWNS AND HE
LAUGHS.    "OH,  NO,  EVERYBODY'S JUST FINE,"    HE EXPLAINS.   "IT'S
JUST
THAT MY WIFE AND I JOINED THE BAPTIST CHURCH AND I HAD TO QUIT DRINKING
.
HASN'T AFFECTED MY BROTHERS, THOUGH."

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4.3 headache

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Re:Silly Jokes
« Reply #131 on: Feb 22, 2004, 12:12:17 AM »
whats the definition of a oklahoma virgin??


















A 12 year old that can outrun her little brothers       :shake_head:
all i want is a little more than i'll ever get!!

84runner

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Re:Silly Jokes
« Reply #132 on: Feb 23, 2004, 11:20:36 AM »
Did you gouys know that vegiterian is an old Indian word?















It means Bad Fisherman
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BigMike

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Re: Silly Jokes
« Reply #133 on: Apr 01, 2004, 02:08:30 AM »
So this guy driving a Yugo walks into an Autozone to buy some wiper blades.
He says to the clerk, "I'll take these wiper blades for my Yogo" to which the clerk replys "sounds like a fair trade."

--

What do Yugos have in common with Ferarris?
- A Ferarri can go from 0 to 60 in 4 seconds.
- A Yugo can go from 0 to 4 in 60 seconds.
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Installer_Joe

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Re: Silly Jokes
« Reply #134 on: Apr 01, 2004, 02:09:54 AM »
This guy was in a wal-mart parking lot on the free tax weekend, and all sudden a speed bump jus came out of no where, and he said "Man, I never noticed that speed bump !"

hehehe :joke:
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BigMike

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Re: Silly Jokes
« Reply #135 on: Apr 01, 2004, 02:28:15 AM »
ummm..... yeah.     riiiigghhhttt...............
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Things are only impossible until they are not.

brainlessfool

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Re: Silly Jokes
« Reply #136 on: Apr 04, 2004, 09:28:28 AM »
 ???
A good day working, that's just sick :reg:

BigMike

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Re: Silly Jokes
« Reply #137 on: Apr 06, 2004, 12:41:57 AM »
:hahaha: Lets keep the jokes a bit more clean then shall we.. yes please :circle:
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Error occurred because of error.
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Things are only impossible until they are not.

KYOTA

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Re: Silly Jokes
« Reply #138 on: Apr 06, 2004, 11:07:28 AM »
Sorry Mike, I deleted it  :slap:

brainlessfool

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Re: Silly Jokes
« Reply #139 on: Apr 07, 2004, 04:43:58 PM »
Sorry Mike, I deleted it  :slap:


:-\ hey I never got to see it :nope:
« Last Edit: Apr 08, 2004, 12:08:15 AM by BigMike »
A good day working, that's just sick :reg:

84runner

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Re: Silly Jokes
« Reply #140 on: Apr 12, 2004, 10:54:13 PM »
I never seen it either Brainlessfool  :nope:, But thats what PM's are 4  :yupyup: so send KYOTA
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brainlessfool

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Re: Silly Jokes
« Reply #141 on: Apr 13, 2004, 07:05:19 PM »
 :thumbs:
A good day working, that's just sick :reg:

KYOTA

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Re: Silly Jokes
« Reply #142 on: Apr 13, 2004, 07:08:04 PM »
BF I take it you got my message  :greengrin:

brainlessfool

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Re: Silly Jokes
« Reply #143 on: Apr 13, 2004, 07:38:15 PM »
that I did! :beerchug:
A good day working, that's just sick :reg:

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Re: Silly Jokes
« Reply #144 on: Apr 14, 2004, 10:51:23 PM »
A blonde and her husband are in bed when the phone rings, she answers the phone and rudely replies"I don't know, I'm 200 miles away" then hangs up. The husband asked her who was on the phone and the blonde says "It was some dumb lady asking if the coast was clear?" :smack:
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mudguts

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Re: Silly Jokes
« Reply #145 on: Apr 14, 2004, 10:58:34 PM »
Tip of the day or a lesson hard learned.




Don't swallow bubble gum if you have a furry crack :chew: :moon:
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84runner

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Re: Silly Jokes
« Reply #146 on: Apr 15, 2004, 08:55:42 AM »
 :dunno: Did you hear about the two blondes that froze to death in a drive-in movie?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter."
>
Why did the blonde resolve to have only 3 children? She heard that 1  out of every 4 children born in the world was Chinese.
>
Bambi (a blonde) goes to the local novelty shop and finds a pair of x-ray glasses.  She checks them out, and isn't fully convinced, but as usual, the store assistant comes along and closes the deal.  On her way home, Bambi puts on her new x-ray glasses and, bingo!  She sees  everyone in the street naked.  She takes them off for a moment, and everyone has their clothes on.
Puts the glasses back on...everyone is naked! "Cool!"  As she arrives back home, she is eager to show her new toy to her husband, but can't find him.
She goes up to the bedroom and finds her husband and the young woman from next door naked in bed.  She takes the glasses off, and the two are still naked. She put them back on, and they are still naked.  Bambi then says: "Darn, I just paid fifty bucks for these and they're already broken!"
>
Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?  There was a power outage, and twelve blondes were stuck on the escalators for over four hours.
>
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really  bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.  So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe.  Nothing
happened.  So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.  Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"  The first  blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the
tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first."
>
A blonde was shopping at a Target Store and came across a silver  thermos.
She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, "Why, that's a thermos, it keeps things hot and some things cold."  "Wow, said the blonde, "that's
amazing, I'm going to buy it !"  So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.  Her boss saw it on her desk. "What's that," he  asked?
"Why, that's a thermos, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,"  she replied.  Her boss inquired, What do you have in it?"  The blond replied,
"Two Popsicles, and some coffee!"   :dunno:
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84runner

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Re: Silly Jokes
« Reply #147 on: Apr 15, 2004, 09:01:01 AM »
 :laugh: How to Shower Like a Woman
>
>1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to
>lights and darks.
>
>2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along
>the way, cover up any exposed areas.
>
>3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do
>more sit-ups
>
>4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah,
>wide loofah, and pumice stone.
>
>5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added
>vitamins.
>
>6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
>
>7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with
>natural avocado oil.
>Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
>

>8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until
>red.
>
>9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
>
>10. Rinse conditioner off hair.
>
>11. Shave armpits and legs.
>12. Turn off shower.
>
>13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
>
>14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country.  Wrap
>hair in super absorbent towel.
>
>15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.
>
>16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
>
>17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
>
>How To Shower Like a Man
>
>1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in
>a pile.
>
>2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener
>at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
>
>3. Look in the mirror, look at your wiener and scratch your ass.
>
>4. Get in the shower.
>
>5. Wash your face
>
>6. Wash your armpits.
>

>7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
>
>8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound
>in the shower.
>
>9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
>
>10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
>
>11. Shampoo your hair.
>
>12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
>13. Pee.
>
>14. Rinse off and get out of shower.
>
>15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was
>hanging out of tub the whole time.
>
>16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
>
>17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
>
>18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist.  If you pass wife, pull
>off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
>
>19. Throw wet towel on bed.
>
>If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this
>email, there is something so very wrong with you  :laugh:
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KYOTA

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Re: Silly Jokes
« Reply #148 on: Apr 15, 2004, 06:33:53 PM »
LMAO :hahaha:

Um ya, on #2 and #18 I dont make the "woo woo" sound I say "He's gonna getchya !!"
Tha blonde jokes were good too :thumbs:

brainlessfool

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Re: Silly Jokes
« Reply #149 on: Apr 15, 2004, 07:02:28 PM »
thats good! but I don't do the Woo Woo thing eather. my wife used to play soccer and when she sees "balls bouncing" she goes for the goal :reg:
A good day working, that's just sick :reg:

 
 
 
 
 

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