Chuck Norris...

[84socal]

after a long night of partying chuck norris never throws up  he throws down

woohoo   page 5

[Rocksnail]

chuck norris dosent need gas. when he gets in his truck it runs.

chuck norris dosent tea bag. he potato sacks.

chuck norris dosent run from fear. fear runs from chuck norris,

[freds40]

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

[freds40]

An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.

Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.

If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.

The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Chuck Norris.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

[freds40]

Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.

Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.

When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.

Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.

[freds40]

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris' Roundhouse kick is so powerful, that on the set of Sidekicks he single-footedly destroyed Jonathan Brandis' Career.

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky

Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.

[freds40]

What many people dont know is chuck norris is the founder of planned parenthood. Not even unborn children can escape his wrath.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun

For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take crap
from anybody.

There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter. This was proven a recently, when scientific analysis revealed what appeared to be Jean-Claude Van Damme bone fragments inside the Hope Diamond

When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken

The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep

"One time I was with Norris in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Norris goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Chuck Norris! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'ChuckNorris' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'"

[freds40]

Dinosaurs went extinct because of the Chuck Norrisaurus.

Chuck Norris make onions CRY!!!

Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb.

[Talon84x4]

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."

In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.

"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

[Misfit4Runner]

not exactly a chuck joke but when he came to visit I had him sign my CVC helmet and my LAV. I mean everyone knows that their was know way I would have been waxed with a signed helmet by chuck Norris..... mainly due to the fact that the 8th seal is a newspaper that reads.. "Marine dies while conducting combat operations in Iraq, with a chuck Norris signature on his helmet."

[abnormaltoy]

You've got to see this video...Chuck Norris say so!

http://www.mikehuckabee.com/index.cfm?FuseAction=Blogs.View&Blog_id=724

[Duffil]

[abnormaltoy]

I got an email from the Huckabee people and I thought it was a joke...I almost pee'd myself when I saw it.

[Trunkz]

while im really sick of chuck jokes i liked the huckabee add and i just found this http://www.willitblend.com/videos.aspx?type=unsafe&video=chuck

[abnormaltoy]

while im really sick of chuck jokes i liked the huckabee add and i just found this http://www.willitblend.com/videos.aspx?type=unsafe&video=chuck

Hmmm, that kind of reminds me of this http://board.marlincrawler.com/index.php?topic=39242.0

[BigMike]

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky

hahahahahahah

[BNRSHNTZL]

while im really sick of chuck jokes i liked the huckabee add and i just found this http://www.willitblend.com/videos.aspx?type=unsafe&video=chuck

[Lady Di]

IT'S BAAAHK

[ajordan1975]

this is some funny 

[Wermz84]

That is great!

"roundhouse ripple" 

[ajordan1975]

Chuck Norris went on vacation to the Virgin Islands.........now they are just called the Islands

[BikerTrash]

In 2007 there was a movie released about Chuck Norris in his early years, and how he fought all the armies of the world single handedly and won. However people found it hard to believe so they gave him a small army to fight along side him and toned down his fighting abilities to the point that Chucks character actually died in the film. The only part that remains true to the story of Chuck Norris is the Beard. That movie was called 300.

[unclejpl4x4]

Chuck Norris went on vacation to the Virgin Islands.........now they are just called the Islands

where you there on vacation ...... hows your

[ajordan1975]

where you there on vacation ...... hows your

just fine. thanks

[brainlessfool]

just fine. thanks

wanta call me chuck? 

[15.50_STock]

MORE MORE MORE!

[norcalyoter]

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

[Lady Di]

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

[norcalyoter]

When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.

"One time I was with Norris in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Norris goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Chuck Norris! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'Chuck Norris' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'"


Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes

[norcalyoter]

Chuck Norris was once a knight in King Arthur's court.  He was known as Sir Beatdown.

Chuck Norris doesnt use after shave, he uses liquid hot magma

The world's fastest car has 7 gears.  5, 6, and Chuck Norris.