BAd dating storys

[junya92toy]

SO I posted a link to a site about a date that went wrong but was pretty funny. So I figured Id post one here of me. Hopefully you all will share some of yours!

Ok so a few years ago I got a msg from someone on myspace.(Ya I know) She looked cute, seemed normal in her msg. So I asked if she wanted to hangout sometime, which of course she said yes. IT was a sunday, I cruised over in my truck. And shes hanging out side having a sparks, not a big deal I though at the time. WE end up hanging out, outside and her brother was hanging out with his freinds. AS this goes on, shes screaming at him for god knows what and every 5 mins asks me" so whats jerry, how you doing" Plus it was super fast how she talked. ( yes red flags) but I figured what the hell this should be interesting. In between the yelling and the speed induced single every 5 min question she tells me she has to go back to cali to serve jail time! Well later that day I was supposed to meet up with a range for skeet shooting. So after the convict tells me this, I say hey I need to go, ( me being too nice) lets her talk me into taking her along. SO as we start to leave she says pull over at the gas station my brother wants some beer. Which I find out hes not 21. AS I am driving to the range, still getting ask"so whats up jerry, how you doing" we cross a bridge. At that point she puts her head in your lap and doesnt talk anymore. Weird, but also a blessing. About a mile after the bridge she tells me, she had a dream about being crushed by a bridge in cali. IM thinking , I need to figure out a way to get rid of her shes crazy! Being a single guy, we often have degrading things of women laying around. Hell even the married ones do too. I had a garner belt from a wedding hanging from my mirror on my truck and she then sees it and rips it right off. I wish I could off seen the look on my face-priceless. She then yells at me" are you married! do you have a gf! WTF is this! Keep in mind here Im leaving out a lot four letter words. As Shes pissed, Im scared and not sure what to do. She then asks if She can drink a sparks in my truck. For you who dont know, its a girly booze drink like a energy drink. Of course I say hell no Im driving. ARe you nuts( i know stupid to even say it, she is!) So, I hear ok I need to pee. I should of said ok and drove off after she got out but no, Im a idiot. AFter she pees I watch her buy a water, and a sparks from the gas station, pour the water out, pour the sparks in to the bottle and get in my truck. SO tell her wtf are you doing, pour it out. TO which I get the evil eye. SO I call my buddy and pretend on the phone shooting got canceled. I turn the truck around and tell her sorry. No letting her shoot a shotgun today. Id prob get shot! So during the long silent drive back she says, so you can just drop me off at home in the morning then! Hahaha I couldnt believe she thought Id get down and nasty with her after all that! I said, oo no you arent staying at my place, no way in hell. So She grilled me with questions all the way back to your house, what Im not cute enough for you? you think IM fat? what. I just kept my mouth shut until I got there. And even after all that, she stilled tried to call me a few times!! But of course I never called her back. Other peoples children!

[brockbuilt85]

wow, thats all i can say, wow

[TacoStewie]

lol hahahahahahahahahahahahaha what a dumb girl

[JanMarie13]

Holy crap Jerry!! 

By the way you have GOT to post that original link in here, it was too good!

[junya92toy]

http://www.femalefreedom.ca/humor_03.htm

[iNfErNaL]

  not sure I understood the story , but okay . I'da taken her back the next day   

[KYOTA]

thats a big paragraph

[Steve_925]

  : I'da taken her back the next day   

X2

[kneedownnate]

  

She said it was midwinter ... snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken her skiing to Lake Arrowhead.  It was a day trip, no overnight, they were strangers after all, and truly had never met before.  The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.  They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.  Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. Unfortunately, in the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking.

All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.  Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender.  Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal.  It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new

problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor she answered her date's concerns about "What is taking so long?" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance!"

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing.  She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.  Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!

Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

[Steve_925]

 

[86bobbedtoy]

I have some good ones but um lets see,

I was 18 and had a 87 mr2 - 2 seater, 4 chicks wanted to hang out but remember they were a lil drunky so I didnt want to drive through town with 5 people cramed in a mr2..
So I told two of them to get in the trunks, 1 in the front trunk 1 in the rear trunk
they did it no problem,
we wind up getting pulled over 2 miles up the road, I said
"I was the nice guy just giving them a ride home"
the cop let us go and said GO HOME
he didnt hear the others in the trunks.
I couldnt go home I had 4 ho$ that wanted to get down
so I took 3 to there friends house thinking a different night,
and took the other to a future building road
we get down and there is only one way to fuc$ in a mr2, thats  the chick sitting in the seat
and my white as$ in the window, low and behold that same cop rolles down that street and shines his spot light on my white as$.
I thought " holly fn god dam! shi!"
but he spins off side ways in the rain.
He must of thought I dont want any of that.

oh and a side note the others turned out to only be 15 16 and 16
think of the mess that could have been.

[Steve_925]

hahaha. thats great. so glad i never got rolled up in in the middle of ..... in my truck

[germ]

Rule #1: NEVER f**k anyone crazier than yourself.

[Cheesemaker]

I had an ex that had seizures and multiple personalities!  I didn't know if she was having a seizure or a orgasm.    And with the multiple personalities, I didn't know who I was going to bed with, a freak or a virgin!   


Then there was the older gal, I was 23 she was 35, that was a freak in bed, and tried to tell me that she was pregnant with my child.  But the only problem with that was she had a hysterectomy years prior.   

That was just two of them!!

[Trunkz]

Rule #1: NEVER f**k anyone crazier than yourself.

hear hear!
dated a bipolar chick for a while.... it was almost fun till she started threatening suicide if i didnt quit working and spend more time with her...

[abriel68]

oh crap, thats some funny stuff, my recent ex and i just got in a fight we headed out to the local lake to argue, we quickly got over it and started making up, both of us well undressed when an asian family, mom dad and all the kids walk by from fishing, we had an audience for a good 30 seconds but hey what can i say i had a good night!!

[TacoStewie]

Rule #1: NEVER f**k anyone crazier than yourself.

Rule #2: i never knew there were any rules

[Lady Di]

thats a big paragraph

[Lady Di]

Dang! The worst I can think of is the guy I went on a date with and when we went to kiss good night he licked me all over my face like a big labrador that was the first and last date.

[Cheesemaker]

Rule #2: i never knew there were any rules

We lived by jungle rules around here.  There were no rules. 
And when you live in a small town, you run out of good ones real quick.  And by the time the sane ones have been passed around, they are no longer sane!  So, you go on dates with one hand on the wheel and one hand ready to open the door and run at all times!!   

[peacesells]

when I was 16 me and my buddy mike went out with these 2 chicks, went to a resturaunt by my house one of the girls sisters worked at and got some free food.. couple of free drinks, ya know.. so were hangin out in the parkin lot talkin, somehow we worked out a deal to get naked and run through this 5 acre or so green grass field on the side of bell rd in phx..

so we get over there, strip down, start runnin through this field.. were havin a good time for about 5 minutes, females are doin some gymnastics flips and crap, ya know pumpin up the third leg.. were on the the far end of the field, just started gettin down and good ol red and blue pulls up right next to our clothes, whips out the spotlight and calls us over there on the intercom.. so we are totally screwed, coverin our junk with grass stains on our a$$es walkin towards the cop car. the 4 of us are talkin the whole way over sayin they cant catch all of us.. so we get up to the clothes, grab what we could and take off runnin back across the field. im ass naked tryin to push the 2 naked broads over a 7ft chain link fence while the 300lb cop is chasin my naked friend around in circles in the middle of the field.. all I can hear is the cop yelling STOP!!! and my buddies goofy popsicle zone laugh..

So me and the ladies hop a few fences, put some pants on, I had my buddies pants, one girl had my underwear, the other girl only had a shirt and her cell phone so I gave her the pants.. so she calls her sister at the resturaunt to come pick us up(20 minutes after I first met her) she pulls up laughin like no other with my buddy mike and all of our clothes in the back of her truck.. the first thing my buddy says when I get in the back of the truck is "these are some nice pants, where did you get these" haha.. 

[TacoStewie]

We lived by jungle rules around here.  There were no rules. 
And when you live in a small town, you run out of good ones real quick.  And by the time the sane ones have been passed around, they are no longer sane!  So, you go on dates with one hand on the wheel and one her head  

fixed it

[Hawk Thor]

I have been a bouncer for almost three years now. I run into all sort of women/girls at work and some of them are just too good to let them get away, or so they look in the dark while they're drunk and having a good time.

2 years I got a hot girls number and I called her after my shift. She was at a nearby sandwich shop with her friends and she asked me to pick her up. I showed up in my 98 Mk3 VW Golf. It was a lowered 2dr with harlequin seats, on stretched 15" tires and it had a VR lip, if there was more then one person in the back it would rub horribly and the rear skirt would get cough on every speedbump. 

She asked me if her friends could get a lift, their place was one the way and they had no money for a taxi. I said sure they could have a ride, I thought these were normal girls. They came out of the shop and these girls were much bigger then my VW could handle, but I didn't
say anything because I didn't want to drive my bootycall away.

They get in the back and the VW ass dropped to the ground. I start driving away and over some cobblestones on the parking lot. The girls in the back start bitching about how uncomfortable it is (Duh, you took up all the suspension travel!) and how the car is making funny sounds. I told them its normal when there is so much weight in the back and that the sound was just the rear bumper scraping. They made some comments about what a pile my car was if it couldn't even handle two people in the back.   

I finally got them to their places and I could finally start talking to the girl I was going home with. She said she had been eyeing me for a while and showed alto of interest. I had plenty of interest seeing as I was 19 and single. We get to her place and she told me to be quiet because her sister was in the next room. We sneaked into her room and stripped and we started making out.

During the whole thing she just laid there like a sex doll, I had to do all the work and it seemed like she was waiting for the whole thing to be over. I thought to myself: "Screw this girl, if she can't even fake it this one time!". I finished up, kissed her and went home.

Next weekend she comes up to me and asks me to come home with her. I thought, why the hell not, she must be better this time. After my shift I go to her place and she had put on some sexy lingerie and that night was alot better. When we woke up we decided to go to Subway. After eating our subs we go back to her place and have another round. This time I went home and didn't think I would hear from her again.

During the next 2 months she asks me home a few times and I thought I had a f***-buddy. Then my friend asks me if I have a girlfriend and I told her no, I was as single as ever. My friend then told me that she overheard some girl saying I was in a relationship with her and that we were taking it slow.

I confronted the girl and she freaked. She started yelling at me for dragging her along for the last couple of months and that I would be sorry.

I thought I would never see her again. The next weekend she calls me, she was very drunk and asked me if I could give her a ride to her place. Being the nice guy I am I left my carclubs meet up and gave her a ride.

When we got to her house she told me she was pregnant and that I had to be the father! I felt like someone had taken a shovel and hit me in the stomach with it. I didn't know what to say but I eventually told her that I would pay for the abortion. She went crazy and stormed out of the car and into the house. The next few days I got a bunch of text messages from her saying I was a b*std and that she would have her cousin kick my ass and so on.

2 months later she comes up to me in the bar I was working in at the time and asked me if I wanted to give her a ride. I noticed that her belly was just as flat as it had been when I first met her. I agreed to give her a ride after my shift because I really wanted to ask her about the baby situation in private.

I started talking to her in the car and asked her if she had the abortion or not. She said that even though it was none of my business there was no baby!!!  I asked her what the hell she meant and she said she had lied so I would keep seeing her. I pulled over and told her to get out of my car. She got pissed and refused to get out and said that I had promised to take her home. After that the fight got heated and she eventually got out crying.

She has not asked me to go home with her or to give her a ride since. But her and her friends have been giving me a freakin' hard time since then. One claimed I stole something from her purse when I was going thru it in the entrance to a club I was working at, but I had enough witnesses and a security cam to shove that down her throat. They let the air out of my 33" MT-Rs once, but I took care of that in 5 minutes, onboard air for the win

I have not gone home with another girl I meet at work since then. If I need a girl I will find a sober girl to hit on, but I have a girlfriend now so my dating days are over for now.

[mudmaster]

My dumbarse dated the pregnant dog, my dumarse married the pregnant dog































End of story!



J/K

[Rocksurfer]

Sure glad I never got into the actual dating scene, some of them stories are nutz.

I hung out with girls and such but never went on a classic style dating situation. Even with my wife, we met through a mutual friend (girl) and just started hanging out most every night, all 4 of us, me and three girls. We'd drink some hang out and just have a good time. Hell they were even dating guys and such, and were having nothing but troubles with that. We'd all be hanging out on the beach or that and just be "girl talking" (you girls know what I mean) but I would have that insight that they needed from the other side. Well anywho my now wife was living with one of the girls and her friend got kick out of the house but her parents said my wife wasn't and could still stay but she didn't think it would be a good thing to do so they gave me a call, I picked them up and since they didn't have enough $ for a room I got one for them. When we got into the room the gloves were off I was being all cool about it, you know being in a motel room and all. I guess those places do something to them, they raped me, wouldn't leave me alone (oh darn). The other girl smoothed things over with mom & dad so things went back to normal, except with the one that is now my wife.

Too bad I missed all that dating insanity.

[abriel68]

wow anything with the words "pregnant" coming out of your girls mouth makes me feel like effin throwing up!!! that must have sucked big balls.

[jimbo74]

one tip.... wrap your gift before you give it.....

and if not.....  DNA TEST... dont trust her unless you are ready for the relationship

[V-Man]

one tip.... wrap your gift before you give it.....

and if not.....  DNA TEST... dont trust her unless you are ready for the relationship

  There I corrected it for you..

[junya92toy]

Trust will only get you burned.