Topic: Couple questions

[WHITE_TRASH]

1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

2. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken here? I'm gonna eat
the next thing that comes outta it's butt."

3. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

4. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

5. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

6. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

7. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are
going to look up there anyway?

8. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both
dogs!

9. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme stuff, why didn't
he just buy dinner?

10. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

11. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

12. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

13 Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same
tune?

14. Stop singing and read on..........

15. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

16. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

17. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

18. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

[RUGER]

happy trails
rich *ruger*  

[Willy Mammoth]

 


Q: Why do people say they have a couple of questions and then proceed to ask 18 of them? 

A: Same reason a dog licks his balls.

What color is this? Green

  

[Lady Di]

why do we drive on the parkway and park on the driveway?

[Lady Di]

If a woodchuck could chuck would how much would a woodchuck chuck?

enquiring minds want to know.

[KYOTA]

2. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken here? I'm gonna eat
the next thing that comes outta it's butt."
dont know about you, but the eggs I eat dont come out of their butts!
3. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
my freezer has a light so the Jagermeister dont get skeered
6. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
I do
7. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are
going to look up there anyway?
you go to a OB-GYN? 
10. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
testicles DUH
14. Stop singing and read on..........
huh? I'm still singing
18. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Dunno, I buy model glue in tubes 

[Lady Di]

testicles, duh!

twinkle twinkle little star..h i j k l m n o p     MAKE IT STOP! 

[BigMike]

Hey #14 is not a question. I demand a refund.

[Lady Di]

[MiniSimp]

Why is there brail on drive-up ATM machines?

[BigMike]

So that blind people can access their bank account you idiot DUH

[86 4runner]

So that blind people can access their bank account you idiot DUH

why would a blind person be driving

[eddybaboy]

Who got soo bored of eating steak that they decided to invent steak sauce?

[BigMike]

why would a blind person be driving

Because he needed to get some money DUH

come on

[86 4runner]

Because he needed to get some money DUH

come on

im thinkin you might have a slight handi cap yous self

[BigMike]

[donkeykong]

-Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
-One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
-If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
-Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
-If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and
apes?
-The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad
girls live.
-I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help
section?"
                She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
-Why do we say something is out of whack?  What's a whack?
-If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
-If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
-If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is
no
woman
                around to hear him...is he still wrong?
-If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is
                it considered a hostage situation?
-Is there another word for synonym?
-If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
-Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
-Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
-What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered
plant?
-If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
-Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
-Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
clean
them?
-If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
-Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
-Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
-If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain
silent?
-Last night I played a blank tape at full blast.  The mime next door went
nuts.
-Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
-How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
-Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
-What was the best thing before sliced bread?
-One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
-To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
-Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
-The older you get, the better you realize you were.
-Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
-Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
-Women like silent men; they think they're listening.
-Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
-Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
                and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
-Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
-Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
-If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
-If God dropped acid, would he see people?
-If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
-If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
-If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
-If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
-Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
-If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times,
                    does he become disoriented?
-If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland
                called Holes?
-If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
-If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
-When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts", and you put
                your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
-Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
-Why do croutons come in airtight packages?  They're just stale bread to
begin with.
-When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
-Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who
drives
                a race car not called a racist?
-Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
-Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
-Why isn't 11 pronounced "onety one"?
-"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
-Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
-If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that
                electricians can be delighted,  musicians denoted,
cowboys
deranged,
                models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners
depressed?
-Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
-What hair color do they put on the drivers licenses of bald men?
-I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more
                as they get older, then it dawned on me . . they're
cramming
for their
                final exam.
-I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons
                and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use?
Toothpicks?
-Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?  What are
                we supposed to do, write to them?  Why don't they just
put
their
                pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look
for
them
                while they delivered the mail?
-If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the
                others here for?
-You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
-No one ever says, "It's only a game",  when their team is winning.
-Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
-Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
-If olive oil comes from olives,  where does baby oil come from?

[88runner]

any one else discovered they got ADD reading that last post 

[donkeykong]

Are you making fun of my post, cause if you are.....oh look a butterfly....why do they call them "butter"flies, they arent made of butter....mmmmm Butter is good....

[88runner]

Are you making fun of my post, cause if you are.....oh look a butterfly....why do they call them "butter"flies, they arent made of butter....mmmmm Butter is good....

no just realizing I can't read that long maybe I'm just to lazy 

[BigMike]

Are you making fun of my post, cause if you are.....oh look a butterfly....why do they call them "butter"flies, they arent made of butter....mmmmm Butter is good....

Because if butter could fly, then it would look like a butterfly. DUH

seriously people

[88runner]

oh look a butterfly....why do they call them "butter"flies, they arent made of butter....mmmmm Butter is good....

cause when you crush them it looks like butter 

[KYOTA]

No no no butterflies are the flies that land and get stuck on a stick of butter when its left on the counter, kinda like a fly strip but  without the nudity

[88runner]

No no no butterflies are the flies that land and get stuck on a stick of butter when its left on the counter, kinda like a fly strip but  without the nudity

but then does the butter become fly butter 

[BigMike]

no its butter fly, get it straight

[86 4runner]

you guys are all crazy. thats why i love this place.

[Lady Di]

any one else discovered they got ADD reading that last post

OMG! You people are INSANE! I LOVE IT!!

[brainlessfool]

I once had a fly land in my butter. then I forgot about it. the next day I made toast.   should I have toast tomarrow?
toast is brown untill you put butter on it. unless you forgot about the fly.

[BigMike]

brainlessfool has turned my world sideways

Now I cant tell which post is mine or his unless I put some thought into it

[SWAMPER]

Wow...i think my IQ dropped 10 points when i read this thred