Words of Wisdom

[Stocker]

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two Hearts and a Diamond.
By the end, one of you will wish you had a Club and a Spade...

[Stocker]

Today we mourn the passing of an old friend by the name of Common Sense.

Common Sense lived a long life but died from heart failure at the brink of the millennium. No one really knows how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals, homes, factories and offices, helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and foolishness.

For decades, petty rules, silly laws and frivolous lawsuits held no power over Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as to know when to come in out of the rain, the early bird gets the worm, and life isn't always fair.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adults are in charge, not the kids), and it's okay to come in second.

A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, and the Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural and educational trends including feminism, body piercing, whole language and "new math."

But his health declined when he became infected with the "If-it-only-helps-one-person-it's-worth-it" virus. In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of overbearing federal regulation.

He watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers and enlightened auditors. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented zero tolerance policies, reports of six-year-old boys charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student. It declined even further when schools had to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student.

Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, criminals received better treatment than victims, and federal judges stuck their noses in everything from Boy Scouts to professional sports.

As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic but was kept informed of developments, regarding questionable regulations for asbestos, low flow toilets, "smart" guns, the nurturing of Prohibition Laws and mandatory air bags.

Finally when told that the homeowners association restricted exterior furniture only to that which enhanced property values, he breathed his last.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers: Rights, Tolerance and Whiner.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

[Wainiha]

^Kinda sad.

[Wainiha]

Ua mau ke ea o ka aina i ka pono.

[Wainiha]

Sode Tsurikomi Goshi   

[Wainiha]

Babys with open mouths holler and shout

Shed tears for food to eat day and night

Ethiopia's calling...show your African pride.

-Black Uhuru

[Stocker]

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE


NICKNAMES

· If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

· If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.


EATING OUT

· When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

· When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


MONEY

· A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

· A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.


BATHROOMS

· A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .

· The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.


ARGUMENTS

· A woman has the last word in any argument.

· Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


FUTURE

· A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

· A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


SUCCESS

· A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

· A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


MARRIAGE

· A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

· A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.


DRESSING UP

· A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

· A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.


NATURAL

· Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

· Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


OFFSPRING

· Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

· A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

[Wainiha]

Don't sneeze when you eat saimen.

[abnormaltoy]

Especially if it's Spam...

[Rocksurfer]

I was going to procrastinate today, but I will just do it tomorrow.

[twistedtoy92]

If you think you'll hate yourself in the morning, sleep till noon.

[Stocker]

No society ever thrived because it had a large and growing class of parasites living off those who produce. --- Thomas Sowell

[HogCanyonHopper]

No society ever thrived because it had a large and growing class of parasites living off those who produce. --- Thomas Sowell

what exactly do you produce? are you being parasitized? so sick of political posts on this forum. go do something about it if you're upset. do you have anything better to do? let me guess, you're a boring miserable republican thats still upset that there's a black guy in the white house right? liberals are ruining this country right? or is it the gays? maybe its all those damn hippies and their dope? please,  tell me exactly who are those that produce and what are they producing? junk? hate? bigotry? are they being creative and progressive? or are they destructive and stagnant? I'm sure you will have some wonderful response to my post. I think I'll go parasatize some producers now, they're good for a light snack once in a while. 

[Stocker]

what exactly do you produce? are you being parasitized? so sick of political posts on this forum. go do something about it if you're upset. do you have anything better to do? let me guess, you're a boring miserable republican thats still upset that there's a black guy in the white house right? liberals are ruining this country right? or is it the gays? maybe its all those damn hippies and their dope? please,  tell me exactly who are those that produce and what are they producing? junk? hate? bigotry? are they being creative and progressive? or are they destructive and stagnant? I'm sure you will have some wonderful response to my post. I think I'll go parasatize some producers now, they're good for a light snack once in a while. 

Never saw anyone get so upset over a simple quote from a highly respected American. I could respond to the details of your rant but it's really not worth the effort, especially considering that it would probably just send you into another rant. Try to relax and have a better day, life's too short to be so miserable.

[yotaneck13]

When i doubt, 4th gear pinned always works.

Winning is reserved for those who want it most.

[David]

Out of the mouths of babes comes oatmeal.

[Wainiha]

History is written by the victors - Churchill

[Stocker]

Out of the mouths of babes comes oatmeal.

  Been there & done that, more than once! 

[Wainiha]

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

[abnormaltoy]

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

They're concerned...no one knows, for sure, the whereabouts of the Master and with Jimmy acting so strange lately, everyone is on edge.

[Stocker]

Thanks heaps, guys, now I have that stupid song stuck in my head.....

[abnormaltoy]

Thanks heaps, guys, now I have that stupid song stuck in my head.....

I would make a comment on how easily a seed grows in an empty field...but, I won't 

[Wainiha]

The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

[jssgbsn]

Don't take wooden nickels from strangers.

[HogCanyonHopper]

The real hopeless victims of mental illness are to be found among those who appear to be most normal. "Many of them are normal because they are so well adjusted to our mode of existence, because their human voice has been silenced so early in their lives, that they do not even struggle or suffer or develop symptoms as the neurotic does." They are normal not in what may be called the absolute sense of the word; they are normal only in relation to a profoundly abnormal society. Their perfect adjustment to that abnormal society is a measure of their mental sickness. These millions of abnormally normal people, living without fuss in a society to which, if they were fully human beings, they ought not to be adjusted."
― Aldous Huxley, Brave New World Revisited

[Wainiha]

^I guess I'm OK then.  I am certainly not normal.

[David]

The difference between erotic and kinky is that one uses a feather, the other uses the whole chicken.

[Gamera]

8134y1TDa2L._SL1500_ by mike newman hayes, on Flickr

[Rocksurfer]

The VA is a small operation compared to Obamacare, need I say more?

[Stocker]

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.