Topic: Funniest stories from work!!

[Cheesemaker]

Well, my wife comes home to tell me that she was doing some work in the staff room at the school (grade school) and she had to fart, and nobody was around so she thought is was safe!  Until seconds later the student counselor and a teacher walk in!  Diane goes what's that smell, I think it's gas and Nikki goes it smells like sulfur.  So, my wife is not going to admit to her secret, and says I think it's the radiator!  And procedes out the door, and is basically done for the day, and Nikki is running to get the principle to determine what is the smell and cause.  As my wife is leaving they were still trying to determine what the smell is and where it's coming from and whether to evacuate the building until it's resolved! 

I'm still cracking up about this, cause this is my wife!  Who is totally disgusted at the pull my finger trick that my kids learned!  I was basically short of passing out from laughter!   

[KYOTA]

I've been known to evacuate buildings!!

[kneedownnate]

Oh my god, I laughed so damn hard reading this!!!  I'll hafta mull it over and see if I can't recall some stories from work.

[Lady Di]

That's a classic Cheesemaker!! I'm sure I must have some funny stories, look forward to seeing others.

[kneedownnate]

Ok, I have one that's somewhat similar.  Couple of years ago my supervisor is dating this girl.  He tells us how one day at work his girl has a very upset stomach.  She goes to use the upstairs bathroom but it's occupied.  Having to go right now she makes a run for the downstairs bathroom, and just as she approaches the door somebody else is coming out.  He says she was very creeped out by sitting on a very warm toilet seat just after somebody got off it, almost made her sick.
  Few weeks go by and they have a housewarming party/barbecue.  A few of us show up early, and we somehow got on a similar topic, and she starts tellin us this story of how a coworker had an upset stomach and had to go bad....whole time she's tellin the story she's acting like she has to struggle to remember details, and he keeps lookin at me like "if you say anything I'm gonna kill you".  Needless to say, the few of us that were privy to knowing the true story ahead of time were rolling, I mean we're laughing so damn hard, and she thinks we're just laughing at the story........

[toybuilt]

O man these are some good ones, don't know if i have any have to think 

[rockscrambler]

  ok am I the only one who realizes that someone named cheesemaker is telling a who cut the cheese storie 

[11 Bravo]

I got this one second hand, but I believe the guy that told it to me.

There is a guy at this shop that is a total pig about eating everything. Like if somebody brings doughnuts or a plate of cookies this guy will scarf as many down as he can and not give a care less if some guys don't get any. A couple of guys end up having things missing out of their lunch buckets and everybody thinks they have a pretty good idea who the rat is. My buddy decides to take action.

He gets a box of glazed doughnuts and mixes up some Ex lax chocolate in some frosting and applies it to the doughnuts. He tells everybody in the shop not to eat them and gives them a wink. He puts the box on the table in the break room and then goes into the bathroom and implements phase 2 of the plan. He gets a couple of pairs of boots and coveralls, puts the boots in front of the heads, puts the coverall legs over the boots and the coveralls on the floor, locks the stall doors and slides out underneath.

Said pig takes the bait. The Ex lax kicks in and the guy finds the stalls all taken. Perfect, everybody knows what is going on and is getting a great laugh. Then the unexpected happens.

The guy decides he has to go home. He gets in his car and makes a dash for the house. Traffic is bad or whatever, but somewhere along the way he decided he won't make it home. He goes flying into the parking lot of a Pizza Hut, overshoots the parking place and hits the building. Of course, by this time he has a real screamer going and doesn't have time to talk to anybody, he runs straight into the bathroom. Apparently, the Pizza Hut manager goes out to see what happened and nobody is around so he calls the cops.

The cops get there and do what they do, run the licence plate and whatever. About this time our hero emerges from the can to find a cop looking for the owner of the car. Our hero tries to tell everyone that he had a little emergency going and didn't have the luxury to hang around and explain things. The cop has probably thought he had heard them all, but I bet he was trying to hold back the laughter. He tells the guy he can't just let him go and he will have to tell the story to a judge. He writes the guy a ticket for leaving the scene of an accident.

Naturally, our hero doesn't want a ticket like that on his record, so he goes to court and does indeed tell the judge the story. OMG, can you imagine that. Apparently there was only minor damage to the car and no real damage to the building so the judge ends up allowing the guy to plea the thing down to something small like illeagle parking.

Not all's well that ends well. By buddy ended up getting ratted out by somebody and it cost him his job. He said it was worth it and he would do it again. Besides, he ended up getting a better job so it worked out good for him

Oh man, I would pay money to see something like that.

[rockscrambler]

OK as some of you know I work for a towing company . and you would think that someone who drives a tow truck would be pretty motor vehicle savvy right ? not always 
 We had this guy who worked for us that use to be a bouncer/security guard before he came to work for us and we used to mess with him all the time one time we sent him out to test his muffler bearing on this truck and found him lying under his truck tapping on the muffler. but the best one was we were all sitting in the office and to mess with him started talking about rotating the air in the tires on the trucks from summer to winter air and at first he didn't believe us but we all kept it up and straight faces and he walked out shaking his head . we all thought that it didn't work until about 15 Mins later the gas station that we bought all our gas from called and said do you know that one of you drivers is down here. he is completely flattening and then airing up his tires . now we are talking about a 2ton wrecker and the place he was at the air machine was coin operated at .50 cent for 3 Mins and she said he had been there for 10 mins and was only done with the passenger side . she asked if she should tell him to stop ? we told her no let him finish! but we think she went and told him anyways because he came in about 10 mins later and denied the whole think he said he never went to the gas station but he was the only driver not at the shop at the time. we were all rolling but he just kept saying    not me I'm not that dumb

[BLACKDOG]

When I worked at a hardware store, litle mom and pop place, we had a guy that was a complete jerk-off.  Ya'know, the kinda guy thats pretty cool, but doesn't do anything.  Well, we got our shipment in, and we had a warehoue with 4 rollup doors, down the side of the back area, and then the back door of the store was at the top, kinda like an upside down L.    Anyway, he decides it'd be a great idea to do a flying kick over one of the pallets, sitting in front of the rollup doors.  He gets a running start, does a nice flying kick, complete with  "Hiiiyaaaaah!"  and lands to see our boss staring at him from the back dock of the store.  He got a nice reaming for that one

Same guy, on another load day, was there with me a little after 5am.  Our load came at 5, we'd unload, then I'd get of a 7, go to school, then go back to work at 3, and work til 7.  Busy day for me.  Anyway, he really had to take a leak, but he didn't want to go into the store.  I'm unloading the truck with the forklift, so he goes around the corner, behind the warehouse where there are pallets of the pellet stove pellets stacked up.  He starts taking a leak, and our boss comes out to get something out of his truck.  (Employee parking was behind warehouse)  Sees my co-worker and just shakes his head.  THat was the only time he ever came outta the store that early.  We went in laer, grab some coffee and breakfast, and my boss walked up to him, and says "You ever pss on my pellets again, I'm gonna rip your richard off, and throw it in the stove" and walks out.  Meanwhile, the truck driver is rolling on the ground, he's laughing so hard.

[Cheesemaker [OP]]

The muffler bearings reminded me of when at Les Schwab, the newbie's would always grab the wrong tire size, get a 14" instead of a 15" and couldn't figure out why it wouldn't go on the rim!  Well, we would tell him to go to the truck slab and get the bead stretcher!  Well, there was always somebody out there, and would ask what they are looking for and they would say "I'm looking for a bead stretcher!"  And the guy out back would know automatically what was going on!  He would lead him on some more!  Until they figured it out!    

Yeah, and we would pull the summer air and winter air on them too!!

[11 Bravo]

I worked in a little shop once years ago. I was me and the owner and we had a lot of fun messing around. He was a great guy.

He would hire high school kids once in a while to help clean parts and stuff. One day he walks over to this helper he had hired a few days earlier and told the kid to run over to the NAPA store and get a couple of fallopian tubes. The kid makes sure he has the name right and takes off. He came back about 15 minutes later red as a beet and didn't want to talk about it.

[kneedownnate]

   I love it!

So a few years back, before I was a mechanic I was on anchor crew.  There was this really nice guy workin in the store, said he wanted to come work with us.  We were a little leary cause he had a lisp, but he turned out to be quite possibly the nicest/coolest guy I've ever worked with, could take so much crap and never get mad.  One of my coworkers played the guitar, and knew I used to play the drums, and was tryin to talk me into gettin back into em so we could start up a band.  So we're drivin the boat around talkin bout how cool it would be, all the usual band perks and such, and he says "I wanna be in the band guys!", so I turn to him and say dead straight faced, "cool!  cept the only instrument we have open is the skin flute", to which he replies (dead serious), "that's fine I don't care, I just wanna be in the band!".  Tears were rolllin down our faces before he ever realized what we said.  Poor guy.

[Rocksurfer]

Walked in work and caught a supervisor wearing wax lips and acting a fool!!

[rockscrambler]

Walked in work and caught a supervisor wearing wax lips and acting a fool!!

and you were the only one not laughing.  me think you break funny bone on rocks while surfing

[...................................]

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[toybuilt]

All of use at Les Schwab just beat each other up, but thats normal right?

[Rocksurfer]

muahahahah...we had a new guy start at Kragen a couple days ago, so of course, we gotta give him a hard time. So, we call up one of our buddies down at Napa, and tell him to call the kid and ask for a gallon of Blinker Fluid. Now, this kid goes nuts all over the store looking for blinker fluid....can't find it. So, he grabs one of our bottles of washer fluid, tears the label off, puts a new label on and writes "Blinker Fluid" on it, then runs down to Napa to give it to the guy. Before he gets back, Napa guy calls us up, laughing his ass off and telling us about his bottle of blinker fluid and how the kid apologized for taking so long to find it.


They tried to pull the same thing on me, but I wasn't quite as dumb

The guys a Kragen always let me have the newbies behind the counter, they see me coming and know that finding my part isn't easy, and I know the game. If I'm looking for parts for my 4x4's and the guy starts asking the usual questions about my needed parts it kinda goes like this

Type of vehicle sir: 1948 Willys
Part needed: altenator
Should be a generator sir: no it is an altenator, engine is a 231
Doesn't show that engine sir: that's becuase it's a Buick engine...............
I thought you said you had a Willys: I did you didn't ask what kind of engine I have.


Guys are rolling behind him.

[*FFC*]

The guys a Kragen always let me have the newbies behind the counter, they see me coming and know that finding my part isn't easy, and I know the game. If I'm looking for parts for my 4x4's and the guy starts asking the usual questions about my needed parts it kinda goes like this

Type of vehicle sir: 1948 Willys
Part needed: altenator
Should be a generator sir: no it is an altenator, engine is a 231
Doesn't show that engine sir: that's becuase it's a Buick engine...............
I thought you said you had a Willys: I did you didn't ask what kind of engine I have.


Guys are rolling behind him.

I think almos all of us have that problem... goin into the parts store and the person behind the counter can't understand why you're lookin up parts for so many different vehicles... for the same vehicle

[BLACKDOG]

All of use at Les Schwab just beat each other up, but thats normal right?

  At the hardware store, we used to rassle, had one guy stationed as a lookout while everyone else beat the crap outta each other.

The guys a Kragen always let me have the newbies behind the counter, they see me coming and know that finding my part isn't easy, and I know the game. If I'm looking for parts for my 4x4's and the guy starts asking the usual questions about my needed parts it kinda goes like this

Type of vehicle sir: 1948 Willys
Part needed: altenator
Should be a generator sir: no it is an altenator, engine is a 231
Doesn't show that engine sir: that's becuase it's a Buick engine...............
I thought you said you had a Willys: I did you didn't ask what kind of engine I have.


Guys are rolling behind him.

Been there done that. 

[Cheesemaker [OP]]

All of use at Les Schwab just beat each other up, but thats normal right?

We used to only have 4 phone lines that came into our shop, but when somebody yelled "Bob line 5" that usually meant hot babe at the counter!  Well, this backfired on a FNG, he comes across the PA "Jim line 5!"  Well, the asst  manager knew of the code and came to check her out to and come to find out it was his wife!  So, he plays along with it and procedes to lay a big tongue involved kiss on her!    The FNG was saying holy crap does he know her!  We just laughed at him! 

[toybuilt]

We used to only have 4 phone lines that came into our shop, but when somebody yelled "Bob line 5" that usually meant hot babe at the counter! Well, this backfired on a FNG, he comes across the PA "Jim line 5!" Well, the asst manager knew of the code and came to check her out to and come to find out it was his wife! So, he plays along with it and procedes to lay a big tongue involved kiss on her! The FNG was saying holy crap does he know her! We just laughed at him!

We shout out "PT" when a hottie walks by, so everyone else knows to look

[kneedownnate]

Funny stuff, glad we're not the only ones doing that.  Ours is multi teired though; charlie=hottie, low level charlie=almost a hottie, major charlie=obvious innit?, post charlie=you know she used to be hot, chuck=average but good, then there's the different levels of chuck.  The heads up though is charlie or chuck, usually yelled loudly from one end of the dock to the other. 

Funny one was when there were a couple of hotties makin their way around the resort, we walk out from a boat cause somebody yells "hey charlie!" from the shop, and we hear one of the girls say "jeez, there sure must be a lot of guys here named charlie!!", we were laughin so hard off that one.

[BUDDERS]

When I worked at Lexus, we had a greeter up front and he was always in the back trying to be one of the guys.  One day he started screwing around with our on-the-car brake lathe and broke it.  Needless to say, all the techs were pissed at him so I decided to get him back.  I put some brake rotor shavings in a brake cleaner cap and mixed in some battery acid and voila, a really nasty stink bomb.  I hid this concoction under a file cabinet in his office and he tore everything out of there trying to find the source of the smell and still couldn't find it!  Every time he tried going into his office, he ran out gagging.  It smelled so bad it actually burned your nose.  Guess that will teach him to mess with us.

[BUDDERS]

Oh, I just remembered another one.

We had an OSHA inspection one day and the inspector slipped and fell in the coffee that he had just spilled.  I think we all laughed at that one.

[kneedownnate]

That's one of those where I couldn't have stopped myself from laughing.  I'm really bad at being the guy at work that does the - guy slips on oil or ice, "watch that ice/oil, it's slippery",  somebody walks into a door or post, "watch out for that door, it'll get ya",  guy burns his hand getting something out of the microwave,  "careful, micowave make hot", and so on.  It'd be much easier if you could picture my animation that goes along with it too.  I know it gets old, but it's knee-jerk anymore, and somebody hasta play mr obvious, right?  Can't let people get away with stupidity now.

[BUBBA]

For those of you who are around forklifts.
I like breaking in the newb's by getting on the forklift and go driving toward them as fast as possible,and just as you get to them,with foot still planted firmly on the gas,reach down and turn the key off,keeping the gas down and just as it's about to die,cut it back on.BOOM,and watch them scatter.

[Cheesemaker [OP]]

For those of you who are around forklifts.
I like breaking in the newb's by getting on the forklift and go driving toward them as fast as possible,and just as you get to them,with foot still planted firmly on the gas,reach down and turn the key off,keeping the gas down and just as it's about to die,cut it back on.BOOM,and watch them scatter.

Do ya know how to pick up a dime off the floor with only using the forklift?   No hands!  Just the forklift!

[germ]

Ahhh some of the stories remind me of my Navy days when we would mess the the FNG's.

We would almost always send one scurrying around the ship with supply requisitions for "2 gallons of sailboat fuel" or "powersource for the sound-powered phones". One of the best however was when we'd send some poor b*std down to the boatswain's locker to get us a "boatswains punch" He would inevitably come back rubbing his arm and complaining about the bruise that was developing. (the Boatwains mate was about 6'4" and 240lbs, and could bench press twice his own weight)

We would also send the new corpsmen (medics) searching around for "2 yards of sterile fallopian tube", often around the base to every supply department. We'd call ahead to let them know they were coming, and they'd tell him they only had the 4 yard type, and send him off to the next supply depot. All the supply departments were in on it, and by that afternoon, the FNG would show back up empty handed, and very redfaced, 'cause the last person who helped him was this screaming hot chick that worked in one of the airwings, and was "one of the guys". She would stand back, part her legs a bit, and grab her crotch and tell them "the only fallopian tube in this shop is in here, and your not man enough to go searching for it!"

The other one we'd pull: Upon exiting the Navy (discharge from service), everyone had to get a physical. Anyone over the age of 40 had to get a rectal exam. The Doc always put his left hand on the patients left shoulder, and would insert a finger on his right hand in his rectum. The Doc and I would conspire, and right after he inserted his finger in the poor bastards rear-end, I would sneak up quietly and put a hand on his right shoulder. You can imagine the response.

I'll try and remember more of our mean spirited tricks.

Erik

[brainlessfool]

Do ya know how to pick up a dime off the floor with only using the forklift?   No hands!  Just the forklift!

yup, ya run over it! it will stick to the tire.

A few years back a co-worker got a "deal" on a set of tires, went around making every one check them out on his car. When he got to me I went and looked at the set of Dunlap tires. At that time Dunlap was putting there name inside an arrow, an out line of an arrow with the name  inside. So... I noticed that on one side the arrow was pointting in the dic. of rotation and on the other side it was not. yup I told him the reason he got a "good deal" was they sold him 4 left handed tires!

About 10 mins altter he comes in and asks if I was pullong his leg. (after he spent 5 mins with the guy from the tire shop on the phone!)