Topic: bar napkin joke

[85yodaman]

What Does JEEP stand for?
Japanese
Engineering
Eventually
Prevails

[trt2]

A young boy went up to his father and asked him,
 "What is the difference between potentially and
realistically?"
 
 The father thought for a moment, then answered,
 "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert
 Redford for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt  for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."
 So the boy went to his mother and asked,
"Would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million
dollars?"
 
 The mother replied, "Of course I would! I wouldn't
pass up an opportunity like that."
 
The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"

 The girl replied, "Oh my God! I would just love to
do that! I would be nuts to pass up that opportunity!"
The boy pondered that for a few days, then went
back to his dad.

His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potential and realistic?"
 
 The boy replied, "Yes, sir. Potentially, we're sitting on two million dollars, but realistically, we're living with two sl*ts."

[trt2]

Pfizer Corp. is making the announcement today that VIAGRA will soon be
available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage
suitable for use as a mixer. Pepsi's proposed ad campaign claims: It will now
be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can
no longer call this a soft drink. This additive gives new meaning to the names
of cocktails, highballs and just a good old fashioned stiff drink. Pepsi will
market the new concoction by the name of MountAndDo.

[KYOTA]

A horny man is rockwalking through the con, and notices a wino
passed out on a rock.  Temptation overcomes him, and
he decides to 'have his way' with the wino.  After he finishes,
he feels a little guilty, and decides to slip a $5.00 bill into
the pocket of the wino's pants.

The next morning, the wino wakes up and finds the money in his
pocket.  He immediately goes to the nearest liquor store and
tells the clerk, "Give me $5.00 worth of the cheapest wine
you've got!"  The clerk returns with a gallon jug of wine, the
wino pays for it and leaves.  He then spends the rest of the day
back at his rock drinking.

That night after the wino passed out, the horny man rock crawled by
again, and repeated the cycle from the night before.  The next
morning, the wino found the money in his pocket again, and again
went to the same liquor store and bought another gallon jug of
cheap wine, then spent the rest of the day drinking on his bench.

This whole process continued nightly for over a week.  One night,
after finishing his business with the wino, the man felt especially
guilty about his behavior, and slipped a $20.00 bill into the wino's
pocket.

The next morning, after finding the money, the wino proceeds to
his favorite liquor store and requests $20.00 of their finest wine.

The clerk obliged and said, "Don't you usually come in here and get
$5.00 of our cheapest wine?"

To which the wino replied "Yeah, but I gotta quit drinking that
cheap stuff.  It makes my ass hurt!"

 

[junya92toy]

Son of a pregnant dog Fish
>
>On the last day of his trip, the priest hooked a monster fish and proceeded
>to reel it in. The guide, holding a net, yelled, "look at the size of that
>Son of a pregnant dog!"
>
>"Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!"
>
>"No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is--a Son of a pregnant dog fish!"
>
>"Really? Well then, help me land this Son of a pregnant dog!"
>
>Once in the boat, they marveled at the size of the monster.
>
>"Father, that's the biggest Son of a pregnant dog I've ever seen."
>
>"Yes, it is a big Son of a pregnant dog. What should I do with it?"
>
>"Why, eat it of course. You've never tasted anything as good as a Son of a
>pregnant dog!"
>
>Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory.
>
>While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about
>his trip.
>
>"Take a look at this big Son of a pregnant dog I caught!"
>
>Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "Father!"
>
>"It's OK, Sister. That's what kind of fish it is--a Son of a pregnant dog fish!"
>
>"Oh, well then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a pregnant dog?"
>
>"Why, eat it of course. The guide said nothing compares to the taste of a
>Son of a pregnant dog."
>
>Sister Mary informed the priest that the new Bishop was scheduled to visit
>in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a pregnant dog for his dinner.
>
>"I'll even clean the Son of a pregnant dog", she said.
>
>As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in. "What are you doing
>Sister?"
>
>"Father wants me to clean this big Son of a pregnant dog for the new Bishops'
>dinner."
>
>"Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your language!"
>
>"No, no! , no, it's called a Son of a pregnant dog fish".
>
>"Really? Well, in that case, I'll fix up a great meal to go with it and
>that Son of a pregnant dog can be the main course!
>
>Let me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a pregnant dog."
>
>On the night of the new Bishop's visit, everything was perfect.
>
>The Friar had prepared an excellent meal. The wine was fine, and the fish
>was excellent.
>
>The new Bishop said, "This is great fish, where did you get it?"
>
>"I caught that Son of a pregnant dog!" proclaimed the proud priest.
>
>The Bishop's eyes opened wide, but he said nothing.
>
>"And I cleaned the Son of a pregnant dog!" exclaimed the Sister.
>
>The Bishop sat silent in disbelief.
>
>The Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a pregnant dog, using a special
>recipe!"
>
>The new Bishop looked around at each of them.
>
>Slowly a big smile crept across his face as he said,
>"You mother fuckers are my kind of people."
>

[BUDDERS]

Ok, in the spirit of bar jokes....

This guy walks into a bar and sees a Sparklets bottle full of money.  He asks the bartender what he plans on doing with the money.

The bartender replies:  I'm going to give it to the first guy who can do the 3 things I ask.

So what are your 3 things? said the guy

The bartender says:  You see that big o'le boy down at the corner of the bar?  He's been causing trouble in here for years and I need him "taken care of".

The guy says:  Ok, but what is your second thing?

The bartender says:  You see that sleeper over yonder?  She's never been pleased.....

The guy says:  Ok, what's your third thing you need done?

The bartender says:  I have a Rottweiler that needs a tooth pulled.


The guy pounds a couple of beers, takes one look at the big o'le boy down at the corner of the bar,  pounds a few  more beers and walks over and cold-cocks the big o'le boy and lays him out.  Then his friends drag him out of the bar.  Next, the guy grabs the Rottweiler and takes him out back in the alley.  There was the sound of yipping and yelping and trash cans being banged around.

Then the guy walks back into the bar and asks:  Ok, now where's that sleeper with the bad tooth?