Topic: PERMIT FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

[84runner]

 PERMIT FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

         This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied
by a complete statement
             of job history, lineage, and current medical report from your
doctor.

         1.    NAME: _____________   __________    _________________  DATE OF
BIRTH: ______/______/_______
         2.    HEIGHT: _____________   WEIGHT:  _____________  IQ: 
__________   GPA:  _____________________
         3.    DRIVERS LICENCE#:  ___________________  STATE:  __________   
EXPIRATION DATE: ____/____/____
         4.    BOY SCOUT RANK:  ___________________________________   SOCIAL
SECURITY#:  _____-____-_____
         5.    HOME ADDRESS: _____________________________  CITY/STATE: 
_______________ ZIP:  __________
         6.    Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?: 
___________________
         7.    NUMBER OF YEARS PARENTS MARRIED?:  ___________________
         8.    DO YOU OWN A VAN?: ___________________  A TRUCK W/OVERSIZED
TIRES?:   ___________________
                 A WATER BED?:   ___________________  TATTOO(S)?:   
___________________
                 DO YOU HAVE AN EARRING, NOSE RING OR BELLY BUTTON RING?:   
_____________________________

                 (IF YES TO ANY OF #8, DISCONTINUE AND LEAVE PREMISES!)

       9.    In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to
you?:   ______________________
                 
________________________________________________________________________________
__
               
________________________________________________________________________________
___
        10.   In 50 words or less what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?: 
___________________________________
                 
________________________________________________________________________________
__
               
________________________________________________________________________________
___
        11.   In 50 words or less what does LATE mean to you?: 
_________________________________________
               
________________________________________________________________________________
___
        12.  Answer by filling in the blank, please answer freely -   
                                         all answers confidential. (That
means I won't tell anyone -   ever   -    promise).
                 A.    If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want
to be wounded is in the _______________.
                 B.    If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is
my  _______________________________.
                 C.    A woman's place is in the 
_________________________________________________________.
                 D.    The one thing I hope this application does ask me
about is: ______________________________.
                 E.    When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her
is:  _________________________________.

                         NOTE:  If answer E begins with T or A, discontinue
and leave premises 
                                                 (keeping head down and
running a serpentine route is advised).

        13.  What do you want to be IF you grow up?: 
__________________________________________________.

                 I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND
CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE
                 UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT
TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, CHINESE
                 WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS
TORTURE.

                 __________________________________________________________
                 Signature (that means sign your name moron)

                 Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years
for processing. You will be contacted in writing if
                 you are approved. Please do not try to call or write.

[BigMike]

dang thats pretty harsh. I guess we all would lose on #8!

[83yota]

cool i think i pass lol

[BLACKDOG]

I got handed these when I started dating my ex girlfriend, also, he was cleaning his rifles the first time i went over.
He like me though, He said i was the first that when I saw the guns, went "Cool" and went over and started helpin him

Rule 1:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.


Rule 2:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.


Rule 3:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.


Rule 4:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.


Rule 5:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early."


Rule 6:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.


Rule 7:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?


Rule 8:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay.Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.


Rule 9:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied,balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing,merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.


Rule 10:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

[83yota]

so did you marry here  hahahaha

[SWAMPER]

I like those....let me print em out to give em to the potential daters of my daughter

[BLACKDOG]

Nope
She didnt like trucks, I do
She didnt like guns, I do
She didnt like rugby, I do
She didnt like snowboarding, I do
She didnt care for motorcycles, I do
She decided that I should sell my truck,  and buy a lower vehicle (car) cause my truck is too high for her 


So I found one that did 

[Mike D]

smart man 

[Rocksurfer]

PERMIT FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

         This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied
by a complete statement
             of job history, lineage, and current medical report from your
doctor.

         1.    NAME: _____________   __________    _________________  DATE OF
BIRTH: ______/______/_______
         2.    HEIGHT: _____________   WEIGHT:  _____________  IQ: 
__________   GPA:  _____________________
         3.    DRIVERS LICENCE#:  ___________________  STATE:  __________   
EXPIRATION DATE: ____/____/____
         4.    BOY SCOUT RANK:  ___________________________________   SOCIAL
SECURITY#:  _____-____-_____
         5.    HOME ADDRESS: _____________________________  CITY/STATE: 
_______________ ZIP:  __________
         6.    Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?: 
___________________
         7.    NUMBER OF YEARS PARENTS MARRIED?:  ___________________
         8.    DO YOU OWN A VAN?: ___________________  A TRUCK W/OVERSIZED
TIRES?:   ___________________
                 A WATER BED?:   ___________________  TATTOO(S)?:   
___________________
                 DO YOU HAVE AN EARRING, NOSE RING OR BELLY BUTTON RING?:   
_____________________________

                 (IF YES TO ANY OF #8, DISCONTINUE AND LEAVE PREMISES!)

       9.    In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to
you?:   ______________________
                 
________________________________________________________________________________
__
               
________________________________________________________________________________
___
        10.   In 50 words or less what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?: 
___________________________________
                 
________________________________________________________________________________
__
               
________________________________________________________________________________
___
        11.   In 50 words or less what does LATE mean to you?: 
_________________________________________
               
________________________________________________________________________________
___
        12.  Answer by filling in the blank, please answer freely -   
                                         all answers confidential. (That
means I won't tell anyone -   ever   -    promise).
                 A.    If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want
to be wounded is in the _______________.
                 B.    If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is
my  _______________________________.
                 C.    A woman's place is in the 
_________________________________________________________.
                 D.    The one thing I hope this application does ask me
about is: ______________________________.
                 E.    When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her
is:  _________________________________.

                         NOTE:  If answer E begins with T or A, discontinue
and leave premises 
                                                 (keeping head down and
running a serpentine route is advised).

        13.  What do you want to be IF you grow up?: 
__________________________________________________.

                 I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND
CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE
                 UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT
TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, CHINESE
                 WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS
TORTURE.

                 __________________________________________________________
                 Signature (that means sign your name moron)

                 Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years
for processing. You will be contacted in writing if
                 you are approved. Please do not try to call or write.

You forgot 2 more requirements:

10 References from people not related or living with you.

Previous GF's and months dated to contact.

Note: If you list more than 2 GF's a year you will be automatically disqualified and feel my steel toes up your butt.
      

[83yota]

lol

[Mike D]

 

[88runner]

        12.  Answer by filling in the blank, please answer freely -   
              all answers confidential. (That means I won't tell anyone - ever - promise).
                 E.    When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her
                        is:  _________________________________.

                         NOTE:  If answer E begins with T or A, discontinue
and leave premises   

if it begin by B and finish by b's or tt it'S ok right

[BigMike]

What about the requirement that if your name is ##runner then you will be shot on site?

[88runner]

that'S not right 84runner would have to kill himself 

[UNBREAKABLE]

I am afraid....

[Rocksurfer]

My daughters used to hate to bring over any of thier new BF's to meet me, I'd usually be in the garage (on purpose)   working on one of my rigs they'd be so interested and most of the time start looking around at all the stuff and I had 3 rigs sitting there set up and ready to wheel. Then they'd start asking questions, next they'd be helping me and forget they had a date. I almost could not help but to laugh as I could hear my daughter complaining to my wife in the house that he (dad) had stolen another BF from her.   Then of course they would talk to me about the things I do and I would tell them all the stuff I do, making sure to show them my groupings on the targets I had posted on the garage wall as trophies. Then they'd want to see the videos of my wheeling, next they'd want to go on a run, then they realized that I was absolutly nuts when I took them out, did some really tough trail, and did some target practice to show them that the groupings on the targets in my garage was no BS. Got rid of several this way, once they are leaning over some ledge somewhere inches from kissing dirt and I'm as calm as can be, they'd usually think twice before hurting one of my daughters. Plus they (my daughters) tended to warn them about me before we ever met.

[SWAMPER]

The only way to keep em safe from guys like Fire and Dirtbag around....oh oh also BigMike

[79coyotefrg]

[84runner [OP]]

You don't have to worry about DB 

[SWAMPER]