Topic: Telemarketers

[germ]

Someone sent this to me, and I thought it was great. Thought I would share it with you all so maybe you can get rid of those pesky telemarketers.

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The phone rang as I was setting down to my anticipated evening meal, and as I answered it I was greeted with "Is this Karl Brummer". 
 

Not sounding anything like my name, I asked who is calling?  The telemarketer said he was with The Rubber band Powered Freezer company or something like that.  Then I asked him if he knew Karl personally and why was he calling this number.   I then said off to the side, "get really good pictures of the body and all the blood", then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced this call and he would be receiving a summons to appear in the local courthouse to testify in this murder case.   I then questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this call. The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers were given in a shaky voice.  I then told him we had located his position and the police were entering the building to take him into custody, at that point I heard the phone fall and the scurrying of his running away. 


My wife asked me as I returned to our table why I had tears streaming down my face and so help me, I couldn't tell her for about fifteen minutes.   My meal was cold, but after what I had pulled, it was the best meal in a long, long time


Erik

[supermat]

ROFL!!! That is so great, I've got to try that one!!! Sheer Genius, sheer genius!     

[Rocksurfer]

That's a good one, but only if the telemarketer is close by. But then again they don't know who they called since everything is auto-dial

[Lady Di]

focking with a telemarketer is all well and good (yawn) and can generate good laughs, but it won't stop them.
Reality: Learned this years ago (and I mean YEARS ago).
If you want to kill them for good, following technique:

Them: hello I'm calling for MrsWillyMammoth
MWM: This is she, what is this in regard to
THem: I'm from BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH
(doesn't matter what they say, cut them off)
MWM: EXCUSE ME, (do it again if they don't stop and do it till they do) EXCUSE ME..
THEM: silence
MWM: "I do not accept any form of telelphone solicitation, please take this number off your list"
They have to, and most will be more then happy to accomadate you rather then getting another weird ration of from a pissed off recipient of an undesired call.
We got rid of our land line phone at least a year or more ago, but even before that we had no had a telemarketing calling in probably 3 years before that.
Focking with them may be immediatly satisfying, but not nearly as much as being able to boast to people tht you never get thier calls because you deal with it on a much higher level.

[BUBBA]

I have actually gotten them on my cell.But I get the satisfaction of both worlds.I wait untill after I've cussed them out to tell them to loose my number.

[Rocksurfer]

The trick is to revese the converstation to where you start asking the telemarketer questions, it's usually real easy since they are trying to make a sale. Works best if you are opposite sex', just start trying to pick them up per-say, asking them questions about themselves and such, a lot of times they'll answer them, to get the sale. Then be a real perv., get down and dirty with 'em. Then tell them to remove you from the list. Or before they do start calling, or to stop them from calling just go to this website and add your # to the national do not call registry:


https://www.donotcall.gov/default.aspx

[Diggertoy]

Just use the above link for the "Do Not Call List " and you won't be bothered for 5 yrs. Make sure you put all of your phone numbers on it.

I've said to them in the past .......I'm Broke and have no money ........that'll usually shut them up.

I've also asked them whats their Address and Phone Number at home.......in which they'll reply , were not allowed to give that info out.....so then I say Oh, so you don't want people calling you at home either , Huh ? they usually get the message

but remember the do not call list it works it really does !!! I've been on it for 2 yrs and haven't had any telemonkeys call me. It's good for 5 yrs once you register.

[kneedownnate]

I recently moved and have only given my new # to my parents, and don't usually answer the phone unless I'm feelin froggy, knowing if it's my parents they'll start to leave a message, then I just pick up.

The other day I decided to answer the phone, but used a phony voice.  Dunno what it really started out as but kinda slid into East Indian or somethin.  He was from a competing phone company that was sure they could save me money, even though I told them I didn't know what I paid yet.  He was surprised that I had no notion of what I paid, and tried offering me the cheaper lifeline, but I told him money was no concern and he pretty much just said "good day then".  Never thought I'd get out of it that easy, but I did.  Next time I was thinkin of tellin them I was punchin the munchkin and try and keep me on for as long as possible.  Yes, I have a simple mind.

[gonzo]

I love it............I will be trying this germ.   Your story was great.

[87_Yotaman]

I recieved a call from a telemarketer the other day and the conversation went something like this.

TELE: Yes, is this Mr.Chapman?
ME: Yeaaaaa, it is.
TELE: Well blah blah blah blah (something about selling me a new type of insulitation for my house it was kinda hard to understand him seeing as he was a furner.)
ME: Well that's all fine and dandy but I have a situation here.  You see my wife just left me and she took the house, my Yota, the coon dogs, my goats, my pasture, and all she left me was a cardboard box, so if it is possible, could you come insuluate my box for me it is getting awfully cold.
TELE:..................Click.................

Also saying single wide trailer works also.

[88runner]

I had a telemarker call me on a boring day

ME: hello
HIM: blablabla ... would you be interested in satellite tv
ME: no
HIM: why
ME: cause I'm blind
HIM: oh!! sorry, would you know anybody who'd be interseted?
ME: no.
HIM: have a good day sir.

Or the classic one (never done it but know people who did, it work real good) :
Is Mr  ... there
ANS: no he died yesterday,    

[Rocksurfer]

  That's a good one...."I'm blind you dumb ass"

[Lady Di]

I have to admit, some of your ideas are funny as

[88runner]

I'm an evil b*std