Author Topic: Silly Jokes (Read 548092 times)

rEdnECkwHeE1eR · « **Reply #90 on:** Jul 31, 2003, 02:37:28 AM »

Quote from: BigMike on Jul 31, 2003, 12:05:58 AM

The smoking guy is cool, but I've vowed to myself not to have any flip off smilies here. I dont want that kind of a community. sorry suckaz!

I can understand that because you also have to run a buisness through here, so that makes sence :bull crap:

cruzila · « **Reply #91 on:** Aug 04, 2003, 08:24:10 AM »

Two indian braves are walking across the plains. The older one teaching the younger. Suddenly he stops, drops to the ground and listens. After a moment he gets up and says "Buffalo come". The brave asks "wow how did you know that?"

Older man says "ear sticky"

mr4x42u · « **Reply #92 on:** Aug 05, 2003, 03:40:29 AM »

Dear Abby,
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me since the beginning. When I confront him, he denie's everything. What's worse is everyone know's he cheat's on me. It is so humiliating! Also since he lost his job two year's ago, he has'nt even looked for a new one. All he doe's is sit around in his underwear watching TV while I work to pay the bill's. And since our daughter went away to college, he does'nt even pretend to like me. He keep's calling me a lesbian. What should I do?

Signed Clueless.

Dear Clueless:
Dump him. Your'e a New York senator now. You don't need him anymore.

BigMike · « **Reply #93 on:** Aug 05, 2003, 01:29:48 PM »

hahaha that's pretty good. I dont know about the ear sticky though heheheh buts its silly

79coyotefrg · « **Reply #94 on:** Aug 09, 2003, 04:18:26 PM »

Quote from: cruzila on Aug 04, 2003, 08:24:10 AM

Two indian braves are walking across the plains. The older one teaching the younger. Suddenly he stops, drops to the ground and listens. After a moment he gets up and says "Buffalo come". The brave asks "wow how did you know that?"

Older man says "ear sticky"

:smack:oh man

79coyotefrg · « **Reply #95 on:** Aug 09, 2003, 04:25:23 PM »

NO RIDE!

A woman was driving along, and her
car broke down.

She decided to hitchhike
to the nearest gas station. A truck
driver hauling a load of chickens pulled
up. The driver asked, "Hey, little lady,
need a lift?"

"Yes, my car broke down, and I need a
ride to the nearest gas station."

The driver replied, "OK, but first you
have to flopp me! No flopp, no ride."

She said, "I'm sorry, I don't need a
ride that badly."

So the driver pulled away.

All this time,
the driver had a parrot on his shoulder.
The parrot started saying, "No flopp,
no ride! No flopp, no ride!"
The driver said, "You had better shut up,

bird, or I'm gonna throw you in back with
the chickens!"

About two miles down the road, the parrot
said, "No flopp, no ride!" So the driver
slammed on the breaks and threw him in
back with the chickens! :-\About 2 more miles
further down the road, the driver heard
sirens and saw flashing lights, so he pulled
over. He got out of the truck and approached
the officer. "What's the problem, officer.
I wasn't speeding was I?"

The officer said, "I wasn't pulling you over
for speeding. I just wanted to inform you that
you have a parrot throwing chickens out the
trailer screaming, "No flopp, no ride! No flopp,
no ride!" :yipes:

mr4x42u · « **Reply #96 on:** Aug 11, 2003, 04:16:11 AM »

take this test

http://www.sailinganarchy.com/general/2002/cool_test.htm

rEdnECkwHeE1eR · « **Reply #97 on:** Aug 11, 2003, 10:56:36 AM »

It said I was one out of a million cool people 8)

snorklehead · « **Reply #98 on:** Aug 11, 2003, 04:35:46 PM »

Mr4x42u for that you get smited..

mr4x42u · « **Reply #99 on:** Aug 12, 2003, 02:31:25 AM »

Yea,,I deserve that..

79coyotefrg · « **Reply #100 on:** Aug 13, 2003, 05:49:38 PM »

Quote from: mr4x42u on Aug 12, 2003, 02:31:25 AM

Yea,,I deserve that..

mr4x42u · « **Reply #101 on:** Aug 14, 2003, 04:36:57 AM »

Clinton and the Hooker
Bill Clinton started jogging near his new home in Chappaqua.
But on each run, he happened to jog past a hooker standing
on the same street corner, day after day.
With some apprehension he would brace himself as he approached
her for what was most certainly to follow. "Fifty dollars!"
she would shout from the curb. "No. Five dollars!" fired back
Clinton. This ritual between Bill and the hooker continued for
days. He'd run by. She'd holler, "Fifty dollars!"
He'd yell back, "Five dollars!" One day however, Hillary decided
that she wanted to accompanyher husband on his jog. As the
jogging couple neared the problematic street corner, Bill
realized the "pro" would barkher $50 offer and Hillary would
wonder what Bill had been really doing on all his past outings.
He realized he should have a darn good explanation for the
junior Senator.

As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the
corner, Bill became even more apprehensive than usual. Sure
enough, there was the hooker where she always stood. Bill
tried to evade the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair
jog past.

Then, from the sidewalk, the hooker yelled, "See what you
get for five bucks!"

well this should make up for the cool test...

snorklehead · « **Reply #102 on:** Aug 14, 2003, 08:47:06 AM »

Yeah Im laughin...consider yourself applauded

snorklehead · « **Reply #103 on:** Aug 14, 2003, 10:27:14 AM »

Everyone has probably heard this but I got it sent to me again today. Thought it worth the post. Its kinda long but funny

HOW TO POOP AT WORK
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back
in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As
much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable.
For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide
for taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING
When farting, you walk really fast around the office
so the smell is not in your area and everyone else
gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be
careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full
fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to
make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY

The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping.
Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are
others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be
careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may
become suspicious if they catch you constantly going
into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE

A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a
poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
embarrassment.If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend
you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for
all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK

When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a
machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of
diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not
panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to
spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH

The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop
hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time
the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help
you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME

Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after
you have just stunk up the bathroom.. This can be a
very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and
busts you.. As with farts, it is best to pretend that
the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use
of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER

A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it.
You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter
the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their
arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The
Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)

A group of co-workers who band together to ensure
emergency pooping goes off without incident. This
group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out
Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS

A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where
you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of
the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex
entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR

Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall
and tries to force the door open. This is one of the
most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur
when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in
the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you
will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH

A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into
the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used
to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very
effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE

A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that
you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall
is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so
the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON

A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the
toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident.
If you feel a Watermelon coming on,create a diversion.
See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANAOMELET

A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the
toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough
with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED

A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend
extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot.

An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you
should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits
you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

Happy pooping

mr4x42u · « **Reply #104 on:** Aug 29, 2003, 06:15:57 AM »

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out
across the middle of the road.

He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in
front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover,
pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.

Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead.

The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the
side of the road and pulls over.

She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong? "I feel
terrible, "he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."

The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a
spray can.

She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down and sprays the
contents onto the rabbit.

The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the
road.

Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down
the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and
waves and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops off out of
sight.

The man is astonished.

He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you
spray on that rabbit?"

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.

It says..... (Are you ready for this?)

Are you sure?

This is bad!

You know you could just click off and not read the punch line.

You know you're gonna be sorry.

Last chance.

OK, here it is.!

It says, Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, adds permanent wave.

crawling82 · « **Reply #105 on:** Aug 30, 2003, 04:55:54 PM »

Two guy's in a elevator, a little guy and a huge guy. The huge guy see's the little guy staring at him, so he look's down at the little guy and say's, 7'3" tall, 385lbs, 12 inch thingy, 2 pound right testicle, 2pound left testicle,Turner Brown
The small guy faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, by gently slaping and shacking him,"are you ok"

In a very weak voice the little guys say's," Excuse me but what EXACTLY did you say?"
The big guys say's I saw a curious look on your face and figured I'd just give you the answer to the questions almost everyone always ask's me. I'm 7feet 3 inches,12inch thingy,4pound testicles,and my name is Turner Brown.
The small guy say's, "Thank god I thought you had said ' Turn Around'

98runner chevota · « **Reply #106 on:** Sep 19, 2003, 01:17:24 PM »

:smack:Thats great gotta remember that one

WHITE_TRASH · « **Reply #107 on:** Sep 19, 2003, 08:01:44 PM »

pirate walks into a bar the bartender looks at him and sees he has a steering wheel sticking out of his zipper the bartender asks him did you know you have a steering wheel hanging out of your zipper? to which the pirate says arrrrr I know it drives me nuts!!!

snorklehead · « **Reply #108 on:** Sep 22, 2003, 02:32:23 PM »

Oh man thats sad but made me laugh.

BigMike · « **Reply #109 on:** Sep 22, 2003, 10:08:57 PM »

If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?

88runner · « **Reply #110 on:** Sep 23, 2003, 06:32:12 AM »

A guy go to the doctor, Doctor I don'nt know what wrong, I touch my legs it hurt, I touch my head it hurt, I touch mystomac it hurt, doctor do you know what I have?
The doctor says, well I'm afraid that you've got a broken finger.

snorklehead · « **Reply #111 on:** Sep 24, 2003, 06:56:03 PM »

OK so these three engineers were discussing whether God was a electrical, mechanical, or civil engineer. The elelctrical engineer started off by saying, " Of course he is a elelctrical engineer. Look at how the synapses work, how the brain sends signals to the whole body, and how the body work on energy. He has to be an electrical engineer." The mechanical engineer shakes his head and says, "No way! Look at how the body functions with complex levers, how your elbows and knees all function together, how your heart opens valves so you can live. Of course he is an mechanical engineer." The civil engineer looks at them both and says, "Boys you got it all wrong, only a civil engineer would put a playground on top of a sewer line."

freds40 · « **Reply #112 on:** Sep 24, 2003, 08:57:18 PM »

84runner · « **Reply #113 on:** Nov 06, 2003, 11:29:48 AM »

What did the one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

84runner · « **Reply #114 on:** Nov 06, 2003, 11:30:22 AM »

If we don't get some supprt around here there gonna start thinking where nuts

BigMike · « **Reply #115 on:** Dec 25, 2003, 11:04:23 PM »

What do Michael Jackson and Wal-Mart have in common??

They both have little boys shorts half-off!

4.3 headache · « **Reply #116 on:** Dec 25, 2003, 11:25:05 PM »

how do u know when it's bed time at the neverland rancch??

when the big hannd touches the little hand!

Rock_Starr · « **Reply #117 on:** Jan 05, 2004, 10:00:17 PM »

84runner · « **Reply #118 on:** Jan 07, 2004, 11:23:06 AM »

What do you tell a women with a black eye and a fat lip?

Nothin she don't already know

Toyoballs · « **Reply #119 on:** Jan 07, 2004, 09:12:07 PM »

Do you know why farts stink

So deaf people can enjoy them too

cruzila [OP]

- Sales Employee -

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